Saturday, June 07, 2008

The Fourth Seat 3


T
hose were the days of her life where Ashu enjoyed living.She cherished every moment of her life and wanted to be the same ,the rest of her life.Ashu adhored some one when she was in Basil ,he used to be her best friend .But unfortunately he left her when she was just 10 years old.Ashu still used to think of him.He was the one who impressed her till she was in class 5th and she used to share all her problems with him and he used to come up with a solution next time.After her parents ,he was the one whom Ashu loved.Although Ashu's parents werent alive ,but this boy had made her life.She had great regards for him and wanted to live with him for the rest of her life....At that time she was just 10 years old ...but she still remembers those days of her friendship with him.
Now,Ashu was famous and imagine every one knows her .Ashita became popular in her college so as so that they even decided to nominate her for the general secretary post in her college.Her success story continued and she scored even more marks in 3rd and 4th semester and years passed by and she reached her 6th semester ....By now Ashu had been the general secretary of MBS for more than a year and she really worked hard.During this span of one year,she called her uncle sridhar and aunt vimla sridhar in between,and used to talk to them without any problem, not just like she used to do when she was in Basil.She never knew about their condition in recent years and assumed that they were living happily.Sridhar never wanted to reveal their condition to Ashu ,no matter whatever be as he always wanted Ashu to be happy.Sridhar's health status was good and improving day by day and he was overjoyed by the way his company performed .He was depressed for a while as his company did not perform well and that itself was responsible for his illness.But later on Elite Software ltd worked in coalition with MSD softwares and finally performed well.Thanks to Mr.Neeraj ,who was the president of MSD softwares and a very close friend of Sridhar who accepted his proposal.After that it was a different scenario.

Ashu was now in 3rd year and it was an important part in her life as she was preparing herself for campus recruitments and moreover she wanted to make a career in India and not Basil.So for this she was supposed to work hard.She attended the campus interview conducted in her college and she was amazed that she cleared her aptitude tests at first and later on got selected in Insciences software ltd.Infact Ashu and another boy from her college were selected and Ashu never knew that he would be her Mr.Right.She was very happy that she got selected in one of India's famous software company and remembered her mom at that time.
She said to herself thinking of her mom..."Hey,maa see your little Ashu has made you proud once again...see how happy i am ,mom?My happiness has no bounds mom,no limits .... thanks mom ..I lov you momma!!"
The very next day she was writing her OS assignments and suddenly she heard a voice which addressed her....."Ashu,is that your name?do you remember me?" ..."Oh yeah I do remember,you were the one who got seleted in Insciences along with me ,right? said Ashu .He intoduced himself as Rahul and told about himself.Ashita introduced herslef as a middle class girl from Bangalore who studies in MBS just because of the scholarship provided by Karnataka govt.But,Ashu alone knows the truth.They both get into a casual chat.The name"Rahul" was special to her as it was her best friends name who left her when she was just 10.He told that he came to India when he was 11 years old.Ashu was keen to know more about him. Rahul told that he used to live in Switzerland.With this ,Ashu got excited and she asked "Where in Switzerland?"as even she had spent most of her life in Basil.Rahul replied that he lived in Basil .Ashu was amazed for a while and later on he added that his dad Mr.Vishwanath and Sridhar,one of the very popular business man in UK were friends.Ashu was really shocked as this was the person who left her when she was just 10 years old.Ashu was confident that he was her friend who was close to her during her childhood.She was very happy for a while.She stared and glared at him continously ...as she had found her friend whom she missed at a very young age.She came to Mumbai not just to see her home town ,but also to find her friend Rahul.She was very happy as she knew that she was talking to her friend Rahul,whom she adhored much,but she was pretty upset as she wont be able to reveal her real identity to him as evry one in Mumbai knew her as a person from Bangalore.Revealing her real identity may cause unnecessary problem and she was well aware of it.........



12 comments:

  1. Hi Stephen,

    I have read all parts till now. Your story flow is quiet good, though story becomes quiet predictable. Your snippets at the end of each part actually gives hint of what lays further.
    A lot of editting and relooking at grammer is required. I learnt that with my writing. You have to read your own writing several times and scrub it till you feel its proper.
    You have the knack of story telling just require a little polish and unpredictability and Your "The Fourth Seat" could become a teen idolised story.

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  2. i've read it.
    so you want a normal reply to it? "its very good keep writing"

    if no, please let me know!

    and nivipooh has given a very valuable piece of advice, read and re-read your story, it will help you improve it, polish it!

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  3. Good... But i agree with the first comment.... Little more of polishing or more different or unique way of writing would make it an attractive read.....I'm sure ur interest in writing can take u thr... Just read other blogs or books with stories and u'll come up with good ideas... Not that i'm a saint or Mr.Perfect in writing....Just felt like telling u this and hence.....tats it
    Keep reading and keep writing..

    Cheers..!!
    Arjun

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  4. @nivipooh,asbah and arjun ..thank u for ur valuable comments...btw i know that i have to polish it so it it would be more readable ...but thing is that i cant do much at this stage as my exams r goin on ...but wud surely improve in my next stories ...this is more like a synopsis of a big novel...thank u friends.....advice taken into consideration :)

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  5. I like the way you have described the feelings of Ashu, the dilemma , the pain portrayed is brilliant...Keep going in for part 4,5,6 .......

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  6. Hey! Nice.... its like a TV serial...get to know what happens next in the next episode!! :)

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  7. now thats good to hear that you'll improve. :)

    i have some issues here,

    1) how old is ashu now? (i presume she's around 20/21 3rd year in clg tells me so) because how can you forget the face of the Dear friend in only 6-7 years? this is absurd!

    2) so, the guys back in her life, where is the twist?

    3) how can she remember her mother when she died when ashu was 2 years old??

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  8. lol pooja-- you can say that:p

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  9. @ asbah ...good question...yep she must be around 21 years old...so well i mentioned that she was very happy in mumbai and she was upset in swiss thinkin of mom and friend,so she was happy and continued with studies and her succes story .later on she meets rahul that too after 7 years...well at 14 years u are a teenager and at 22 you are supposed to be a grown up ... and ppl may forget faces ...but here ashu was aware of him ,but was not sure that it was him.

    well ashu remembered her mom in sense that she believed that if her mom was present then........
    am not relating this to moms face ...its not absurd...wht if her mom was present with her .thats the scenario ....

    common this is not a tv serial sort ...that was the twist in her sory..she comes to india in search of happiness and wanting to see moms hometown and finally meets her frnd unexpectedly and wht else wud u need... i am disappointd with this work as its not properly organised due to my exams....coz i am sure that it wud be still better than wht it is....i am just thinkin of getting rid of this story in the next 2 posts and starting with my poetries..
    btw ty

    btw i shd have realised about this prob .....as well....any way am happy that some one asked me

    ty ty

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  10. its very very nice of you to accept the criticism people generally cant take it. i want you to improve your work because you can :)

    thankyou.

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  11. ty asbah

    am very happy as u said that

    i accept criticism
    thats the way i can improve rite?

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  12. the story was nice... only if u organsie it in a better way...

    still i love ur poems...!!!

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