Thursday, October 27, 2011

Hurting & Losing friends

Sometimes life can be harsh on you.Some say that true friends do stand behind you during your worst times.I always had good set of friends since school days and many have been helpful at times. They do understand me and realize the worth of our friendship.But when it comes to missing, they do miss me at times.As very few of you might be knowing that my exile from home had cost me lots. But during my stay in Delhi ,I should seriously admit that I have never missed my friends.Since most of them are added in my facebook and many of them are in touch through Texts and emails,I seldom miss them. But out of these true lot of friends you might be having few other special ones whom you could differentiate. They are those unique friend of yours who really matters to you.

During my college days I befriended a girl from Cuttack.I would rather love to say that our thought process were similar.She was someone whom I could look forward in my life. But harsh reality is that I lost her,lost her frienship .There has not been even a single day when we hadn't talked or texted each other. This actually represents our friendship and Gtalk and Yahoo messenger have played a pivotal role in bonding us. We were like good friends and eventually good got replaced by best. Nevertheless I have got very few best friends in life and all of them are special to me. I can't afford to lose even a single one. She would share her secrets with me and rather I would do the same. There used to be an instant solution to every problem which you present to her. Such an intelligent girl she was. I discovered her in some Orkut MBA community way back in 2008. That was the time when my preparation for MBA was at its peak.She was from Commerce background and she was trying her luck at CAT too. During one discussion forum, we happen to exchange thoughts and the outcome was a friend request.It didn't really mattered who send the request but what mattered was friendship.She would crib about her preparation and would sob about her mock exam results.The maximum she could manage was 81.Initial days were quite formal. We would talk to each other frequently and all thanks to Gtalk for being a great messenger friend. My MBA preparation got hampered because of my campus call. I got selected in an IT Company through campus recruitments and my MBA preparations seemed to have diverted by then. My focus deviated.This was inevitable.2009 was a period when we seldom spoke and because of our commitment towards our goals we never spoke much. Conflicting.No,never.
Yesterday I happen to delete my mails in order to make some space in my mail box. That was the time when I discovered the existence of this person. I seemed to have forgotten this girl. My exile cost me a lot as I lost touch with many friends.I learned that we never spoke in 2010. My last call made to her was way back in July 2009.Some disgraceful events happened between us and she decided not to talk to me.I was neither convinced with this decision of hers nor I wanted to stop talking to her.I failed to realize that she would take my statements seriously.During most phases of my life,I have taken utmost care to make sure that I don't hurt any one by any means.But that day I just got mad at her. I went berserk.The end result was that I lost her.Yesterday reading those old chats made me smile. I shouldn't had read those. This made me feel nostalgic.I searched for in facebook but learned that she had blocked me. I searched for her number from my 160by2 account and texted her. She replied with 'why do you want to talk to me?' . I was helpless.I tried texting her again and again and tried to win her heart once again. She was stubborn and damn serious. I never knew if she got married or had kids. But I just realized that I had to apologise. I could be such a sinister at times. She made me realize that. It was my mistake. I really want my friend back. But some do say that its better to move on in life. Looking back doesn't pleases you.It will distract you. Often the best relationship breaks in an unusual way. Looking back hurts you and distracts you. I never intend to hurt her ever again. All I wanted to do is to apologise.I sometimes wish if it was easy to lose friends in life. But I myself have lost many dear ones.

I didn't want to say,
But you made me say.
You cried out of your own plight,
making me feel guilty
You hurted me with your words,
but when i replied back,
you ignored me.
All I want to say ,
Sorry for what happened.
Wish you luck.

Friends, why is that human heart sometimes subjected to unavoidable conditions fails to respond back rationally. If I had not hurt her she would have still been mine. Emotions do have roles in hurting others and their role is significant.You sucumb to unavoidable scenarious and you seem to be in a fix.And when the person fades away from you life, then that is the time you realize their worth and think about their importance.
I woke up one day and saw the world change.My friends disappeared and I was stranded between strangers.My circle of trust seemed to be diminishing.And I found myself lost in lonliness.period

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  1. hey ,
    i like the poem above and i connected pretty well to your post...
    FRIENDS , when i try to decipher this word i see myself surrounded by bullets of betrayal... ahh.. thats my past anyways .... but i do understand how it feels to have a lost a really precious friend... and guilt is much more powerful sentiment than anger...!
    to apologize on your behalf is fine but don't you think the realization has struck you a little late it will be philosophical on my side to say that better later than never...
    maybe time is the cause of the irritation of your friend and you also said that the chats reminded you of her, isn't it?? if someone is your real best/ precious/important friend you do not need the help of some mail box chats ..!

    but i really loved going through your blog and you have like 14 symbols down there..! :)
    pretty cool

  2. emotionally, aisa hota hai! friends never go...the frequency only varies. and true friendship comes in understanding your friend. you can mail and apolise, then the ball is in her court. its upto her to think and act. you cannot force her on that.

    writing: i think you got carried away...cant really blame you...nostalgic feel makes like that. just read through edit and post one more time. your thoughts will more clear.

    ste: if she is true friend she will come back to you...nahi toe koi aur aayegi na? may be the air hostess???

  3. Its not always ki 'har ek friend zaroori hota hai'..sometimes 'ek hi frnd kaafi hota hai' :)
    But then remember whatever happens is in Gods plan and u should not feel bad about the past. Somewhere, someone will come who will stand by u always and mend the broken heart. so cheer up now and as i had said..plz move on and let it go..its only u who is getting hurt :)


  4. If she was THAT good a friend, you might want to consider calling her up and reconnecting na? I'm sure an apology will also be worth getting an awesome friend back...

  5. I tried but she never picked the fone.Now she believes that Ignorance is a bliss

  6. ths is wt happns wen u join n IT firm..! i told u...its bad to grw up! u remembr hw much v used to talk.. all those grp chats and all.. i miss all that.. :(
    neways d post is really nice.. hope u get her back.. :)

  7. A great post...A true friend would come back to you even after twenty years is my experience..

  8. A beautiful post dedicated to a beautiful relation. I think we must give some time if someone is annoyed with you, time is a big healer...

  9. I can relate to the story in bits.
    Well, i can atleast you did realize your mistake.

    May be her number changed over the years or she no longer has the email acct active, that you were familiar.

    Relationships are very delicate, and it takes a lot to forgive.

    Quite interesting responses from others on this post.

  10. True and touching...very nicely written ! :)