Sunday, February 23, 2014

Seriousness! A Serious Syndrome ?!

This post is written for the Cadbury 5 Star - Condition Serious Hai - powered by Cadbury and DO visit the Link -
Disclaimer - The  post is not written with an intention to hurt anyone's sentiment

Taken from Google Images
Friends and Foes, Men and Women, Boys and Girls! Lend me thy ears as I blurt out the greatest news of the day - Seriousness recently acquired the status of a ‘deadly disease’! Now I can see your mouth open wide, eyes rolling side to side as you utter the dangerous word and ask me ‘Are you serious?’
Of course I am not! Had I been serious, I would have not been sharing this with you; instead I would be blowing my nose on some sickly serious (t) issue!

Nonetheless, I am dreaded to see this epidemic spread like no other, infecting one and all while I narrate to you its rise and fall!
With a glow in my eyes I once strolled around a mall, saw a pretty lass, appreciated her and ended up with a slap! That was the day I predicted that world ki #ConditionSeriousHai. And at some point of time, I would be the only one grinning, smiling and laughing at everyone and everyone would be showing serious faces at me. Thanks to the seriousness!

"Everyone I care about made it! Happy ending! But what is this feeling I am feeling? It is not happiness. It is a feeling that I have not done all I could have done. I do not like it. How do I make it go away? You must take the music inside of you, swish it around and spit it through your tail. Just do as I do. Take in the music..." -Words of Wisdom said by King Julian XIII of Madagascar.

So starting with college days. I too had a love story! In fact, I found for myself an amazing princess from my Engineering College. Everyone called her Eshita, but she was my Esha! Like Moon was to Night! Water was to Plant! A Bird was to Sky! Uday Chopra was to Dhoom franchise, Eshita was to me! Esha was outspoken, frank and straight forward. She was headstrong and me a henpecked BF. We two could be often envisioned like the Pup and the little boy of the Mobile Network Ad! Just like the pup follows the boy everywhere he treads, I followed Esha everywhere, carrying the shopping bags and her assignment papers. We both were like the opposite poles of a magnet. In fact we both were two roads poles apart!

It was Valentine’s Day. It was shopping marathon! After buying some costly Eyeliners, Mascara’s, Blushers, Powders, Concealer, Bronzer and eye shadows for her, we left for Juhu Beach. It was 6 PM and there were many people loitering around, most of whom were couples like us.  She was wearing a 'not so' decent outfit which most people would find inappropriate. Aforementioned, a headstrong person dominates and over a henpecked person just like a hungry lion gorging over Samba deer’s. To add my misery, over hundred perverted eyes were fixed at my Esha’s thighs. I was embarrassed, not her! She rather preferred wearing western outfits over Indian. A group of Aunties moved around and one of them was talking about Eshita. We eavesdropped on their conversation.
Woman 1 – Did she forget to wear her Skirts, Susheela?
Woman 2 – Sahi Kaha Didi!
Woman 1 - Look how she is exposing her legs!  Shame on her family! They should teach her how to dress.
Woman 2 -   Sharam hi nai hai!
Click to zoom - sketch made by me :D 

Eshita’s face turned red as she heard each and every word said by them.  I held her hands tightly, so as to prevent   any kind of arguments. She glared at me and of a sudden my hands involuntarily left her hands.  She followed those women and started screaming - "Mummaaaa”, “Buaa”.
Now both the women looked at each other and got perplexed. She now screamed at the top of her voice - "Mummaaaa" and "Buaa"
Eshita - Mumma wait, Bua wait.
Woman1 - I am not your Mother.
Eshita - (with fake tears) how could you talk foul about your own daughter in front of so many people, Mumma?
Woman2 - Stop all this drama.
Eshita - (Fake tears streaming down copiously on her cheeks) Bua, you too sinister!
Everyone present there started gossiping and showed sympathy towards Eshita.
Woman1 - We are not your Mom or Bua!
Eshita – You serious?
Woman 1 & 2 (in Unison) – Haaan!
Eshita – Then how does it matter if I wear a skirt or don’t wear a skirt?
Both the women looked at each other and remained speechless for a moment.
Eshita – You probably have no rights to comment on my clothing style as you are not my Mom or my Bua! In fact how can you even associate a girl’s character with her dress!
Woman 1 & 2 – Sorry Beta!
Eshita - Be ashamed of yourselves that you represent the matured generation of this country. Aapki Condition serious hai!
Eshita – Accept my apologies! I addressed you as Mum and Bua. They are sensible and matured unlike you two!
They learned their mistake and realized that one should just look into their life and not pry into others life.

 Tears of happiness rolled down my cheeks as Eshita jubilantly walked towards me. She came next to me and wiped the tears (of happiness) from my eyes.  That was during early Twenties.
For people who think that wearing inappropriate clothes implies foul character of a girl, you should know that – Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai

Well everyone is fallible! The biggest sin what Esha did was asking me to like her Facebook profile picture.  I admit that my GF was a photo freak. If you happen to check her mobile then you could find over 1000 selfie’s of her!  Apart from these most of her pictures were clicked by me! Now don’t give me that look! Well that’s what happens when you have intense respect for a woman! Now you must be saying me - Tumhari #ConditionSeriousHai. 

Once she snapped at me accusing my photography skills. She labeled me as a pathetic photographer. If I had clicked those numbers of photographs of some place or wildlife, I would have easily got to work with Andres Estevan. For that matter of fact I could have been at least clicking photos of a Bear with Mr. Bear Grylls.

Finally, I managed to click one good picture of hers. But by then, I realized that I had clicked over 2000 photos of her.  Not even a supermodel would click so many photographs of them!
The same day she asked me to like her Facebook profile picture which I failed to like because of some urgent assignment! Sooner, I was bombarded with over thousand questions. 
Eshita – How dare you not like my profile photo?
Me – How does it matter?
Eshita – More likes means that I am more beautiful.
Me - Oh! So the number of likes will determine whether you are beautiful or not?
Eshita – Yes!
Me – Rubbish! Beauty is god gifted. How can a Facebook like tell you all this? This is kiddish!
Eshita – you better do what I say?
Me – I got better things to do. You need to come out of the Facebook world. It’s not your life.
Eshita – That’s sad! I thought you used to like me. You can’t even like my Facebook display picture. I am done with this relationship.

Click to Zoom - Sketch by me
Now ruining a 3 year bond citing Facebook like as a reason was something which I found strange and foolish. With over a thousand butterflies (or may be more than that) fluttering inside my stomach, I faked a crocodile tear and said, “Baby! No Eshu! Please don’t leave me”
Even the Crocodiles would have rolled on the floor and laughed its ass off when it had seen me that time. It seems like I was waiting for this auspicious moment. My happiness grew no bounds, I soon performed a small jig and a pelvic thrust to celebrate my joy. I don’t need to spend money on her costly Eyeliners, Mascara’s, Blushers, and Powders, Concealer, Bronzer and eye shadows. No! Not anymore. Tears rolled down my cheek. Oh Wait! Those were tears of happiness! I actually could save more money since then!  For all the girls who think that a Facebook like on your profile photo makes you more beautiful, you should know that – Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai

 My first boss was someone whom I admire, not because of his skills but because of his philosophical one liner. In fact those dialogues were his USP. He was punctual. Even time would envy him and be jealous of him for being punctual. Few of his one-liners are as below -
1.       No one gets free lunch in corporate (Indirectly asking to justify your salary)
2.       I am not able to make you understand or you don't want to understand (In short you are a fool)
3.       A tree always bends itself when it is filled with fruits so that everyone could pluck its fruit and eat (Here tree is a senior team member and everyone are the juniors and fruits means the knowledge)
4.       A leader always leads from the front and not back (dedicated to the Team Lead)
5.    A circle is drawn from a point and you should be that point (to motivate a senior team member to inspire others)
6.       When your finger is injured, do you cut your finger or apply Malam (cream) to it? (Don’t give up …sit late hours, but find a sure solution to the code issues)
6.       Where are your accountability, responsibility and ownership? (In case you are found loitering outside the office premises with other team girls)
7.   You are a by default defaulter! (When you fail to fill weekly timesheets)
He follows the 4 D’s of life - discipline, diligence, dedication and determination. Once he send me home for wearing a Jeans on Wednesday. He used to address Projects as 'Babies'
Once he happened to call me and my female colleague for a quick discussion. She was the one who worked with me in the component code.
Boss - I want babies from both of you.
We both looked at each other. It was an embarrassing situation to be in.
Boss - What are you two looking at? I want babies from you two! See the project progress...we are lagging. Make sure you deliver the babies in the stipulated time.
The girl said - "Excuse me?"
"Sir, Babies and Project progress. I don't seem to understand the connection,” I said.
Boss - Well sorry guys! It’s my bad! You should consider your job as your own baby. One loves their baby very much ...just like that you should love your work too. So that’s why I address job as a baby.
We both couldn’t control our laughter after we left his cabin. His principles and ideologies simply amused me. But sometimes I felt that he was way too bookish just like an answer to "Describe the roles and responsibilities of a perfect Project Manager in an IT company?" Question. His serious nature may have fetched him good appraisals, awards and accolades at Organization level but he failed to excel as a manager.
Everyone feared him just like he was a shark ready to swallow them any moment. For all those league of Bosses’ who think that scolding your subordinates can improve performance, you should know that – Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai.

Click to zoom - Sketch made by me :P 
A doctor friend of mine used to tell me that she has a patient who visits her once in every 2 days with petty issues like acne, moles etc. She would pose as if they were life threatening disorders. Imagine how life would be when you associate pimple with blood cancer. Then all the budding teens of 16s and17s would be having Blood Cancers and the world would seem a bad place to live in! My doctor friend would rubbish her thoughts and ask her to leave but even then she would pop up after 2 days with some other issue. Such a hypochondriac she was!  For those hypochondriac who assume they are suffering from diseases, but ideally NOT, you should know that they are suffering from a major disease known as ‘Seriousocitis’ and that  – Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai

I have a friend from Office who was bitten by Kareena Kapoor's Size Zero bug. She started dieting and lost many kilos. At some point of time she looked so thin, may be a skeleton covered by some skin. I remained stunned when I saw her after a long time. It was then I learned that she was suffering from Anorexia. You should know that people especially our kith and the kins would find it difficult to even pronounce this weird disease name which seems to be turning into a lifestyle disease. Imagine your mother informing about your illness to your aunt that you have got Anu Roxia or may be Ano Rakshiya. Why would you want to trouble your loved ones tongue by making them pronounce an uncommon disease which is popular amongst ramp walk models!  For those figure conscious girls who think of themselves like Kareena’s and Katrina’s, you should know that – Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai.

I have a friend studying in her 3rd Year MBBS. After every exam she would re evaluate her marks and ensure that she attempted all the questions. In one such exam she messed up with one question of 10 marks. She had an overall attempt of 90 marks out of 100. But she feared that she would flunk the exam. She, like a fool kept thinking about the same paper every day. Every day she would ask god why she left those 10 marks. She kept thinking about those 10 marks instead of the 90 marks that she attempted. In fact she wasted all her summer holidays by studying for the KT exam even before the results for the main exams were announced. She ruined her entire vacation by worrying on her paper. When the results were announced, she couldn’t believe that she had scored 75 marks.  For all those students who discuss question papers after writing an exam, you should know that – Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai

Viva’s are serious matters for all students – partly because of the non serious attitude towards books the whole year and majorly because the Professors visualize students as the incarnation of Sir Newton and Sir Einstein or may be Google who will blurt out all the answers as soon as you enter! So well, while medical students suffer from nervous diarrheas learning the same things again and again, they end up being seriously serious.
Picture this-
Professor – What is pregnancy?
Student – Pregnancy? Umm..The state of being pregnant.
Professor – (with disgusted look) don’t you know definitions shouldn’t include the term you are defining?
Student – (now utterly confused) fertilization of gametes?
Professor –Are you telling me or asking me?  What happens before that?
Student –Maam, Sex?
Professor – (enraged) what? How dare you use such unscientific terms! Sex... Heights of shamelessness. Get lost.
So throughout the year you are taught that ‘talking about coition’ is no shame. Saying it in a layman’s term becomes a shameful thing. To hell with the understanding and rest in peace all the books and notes you mugged up. You can’t define pregnancy like it is in Textbooks so you have failed!
To all the professors who consider students as the young ones of Wikipedia and Google, you should know that – Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai

They all need to come out of the shell and embrace change in their life. They should try to educe the seriousness from their life and infuse some happiness inside. A happy heart is the secret to a healthy life while a serious heart is the key to Hospital ICU and increasing hospital bills. Bloom and Blossom like a flower, Open up like a child, Smile like a baby and Laugh like a Hyena! What all do you need in life? Everything but sans seriousness and sorrows as a serious mind can invite unwanted guests in form of worries, sorrows, frustrations and depressions.

To all the,
  • Parents who think that comparing your kid with his smart classmates would boost his confidence, Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • Professor who thinks that a technical book definition is more acceptable then logical and then even the students will say Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • Ritchie Riches who believe that flaunting brands like iPhone, iPad, iPods, Nexus and Galaxy phones will raise your standard in society , then seriously Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • People who don’t talk much thinking that Action speaks louder than words then Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • Boss who asks his employee to work late hours to raise productivity, Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • Relatives who poke their nose into others personal issues, Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • People who vent out by abusing people, Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • Miser Girlfriends’ who give missed calls to their Generous Boyfriends’, Aap dono ki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • Student who thinks that by studying 5 months before Exam he can pass with flying colors, Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • Friends who can’t differentiate between Pranks, Leg Pulling and Fun with Hurt, Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • Girls who believe that by uploading attractive photos on Facebook can fetch them more likes, then Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • Boys who believe that by liking and writing flowery comments on a girls Display picture can impress her then Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • People who believe that playing Temple Runner, Subway Surfer and Candy Crush like games will help you to reduce your stress, then you should know that Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • Bloggers who think that tagging people in their posts and self promotion will fetch them more visits then Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai
  • Reporters who create hype out of nothing. Raving about ear ache as Earthquake. Presenting actors as Demi Gods, Aapki #ConditionSeriousHai

After typing this post, as I re-read it, I am wondering – oh my God! Did this just got way too serious. Has the Seriousocitis virus taken over me too? Have I too become a poor victim of this serious sickness? As I turn around, voila! A 5-star! I bite into one and umm…the viruses run and burn! Let’s not turn way too serious. If we do then some day this beautiful planet would be full of zombies with straight faces all around, devoid of happiness and most importantly smile! Spread Happiness, Spread Smiles! If next time you meet a seriously serious person, then give them a 5 star and smile at them!

But what about this seriously sentimental post? Oh well, enjoy it with a 5-star and see it magically treating you, turning all your sorrows and bitterness to sweet joys.

The Solitary Writer is a blog which started as a hobby.Here you will find stories, poems, satirical posts, humour, photography and almost everything. This blog is the alter ego of a Technical guy who loves to be called as the Solitary Writer. Others call him Ste. He works as a Senior Quality Analyst in a leading Organisation and loves to break the codes and he likes to  do things differently. Did you like this post? Get The Solitary Writers updates via Facebook or Twitter, better yet, subscribe to it via RSS Feed. It’s easy, and free!Also you can discuss in the Forum. Comments are just another way to let me know how you feel.Don't forget to comment.


  1. Ste welcome back...Loved the whole post!!! But the dress wala part was the best...:) all the best for the contest...

    1. Hi Vish - I am glad you like the blog post! Thanks

  2. Enjoyed reading all of the stories but loved the first story the most. Really people need to get out of their #seriousconditions! Well written mate! Wish you luck :)

    1. Hi Sayantini - I am glad you liked the 'serious' conditions. Yes people need to get out of their serious conditions. Thanks again!

  3. haha,,,little bit of discrepancy here and there in the "To All The..." :p...but overall, mast hai...i loved the "make babies" walla thing....

    1. Hi Deepti - That actually isn't a discrepancy if you could ask me. There are lot many bosses still who boss around. After all bosses are supposed to boss ;) Thanks

  4. Lolz! All the best Champ! You are above your creative handicap now :)

  5. That is quite some post. Lots of "serious" stories and really people need to get over their seriousness business. Good luck for the contest

  6. Gosh! That's quite some Serious Creativity :) Very nicely expressed. Best wishes for the contest :)

    1. Hey Anita - Long time! Thanks for those nice words.

  7. I loved the well described incidences!
    Had a good laugh! :)

    1. Hey Aayesha - I am glad this made you laugh :D

  8. What a collection of serious conditions ,
    But loved the first one ,
    Really creative approach I must say ,
    All the best !

    1. Hi Disha - thanks for those kind words. I am glad you like it!

  9. First of all *slow clap* on the amazing creatives! And I read something a while back which I will quote here : My girlfriend and I decided to take our relationships seriously, we stopped smiling at each other

    :D :D