Monday, January 11, 2016

Live in the Present, Not Future

hugging family
Image Source

It was 5 on the clock and the appraisal letters had not yet arrived. It was the talk of the day as we all had anticipated the hike letter.  I was quite sure that the HR's mailbox would have been jammed with too many emails from the employees asking questions about the letter. I was foreseeing  a good hike this year   and had already made plans. Shoba, my wife had sacrificed her last few years for our twins.  Her own family disowned her as she considered me important than her family. Being from different castes, our parents didn't agreed to our marriage. She eloped with me at a time when she needed her family support the most. May be she trusted me a lot. She couldn't even continue with her education. Her folks declared  that they would not see or talk to Shoba again.   I had promised my sons Abhishek and Abhijit that I would take them to Disneyland this year.  I wanted to surprise my family.  The rented house that we were living in was not too good.  The Home loan gulped large portion of my Salary. Even  both my  boys were growing up and school fees these days are expensive.

"Ashutosh!" Monica, my  junior called me and I came out of my reverie.
"Guys, Check mail ASAP," Ankita Singhal from the Database team announced and we all launched the HR IDEAS Portal at the same time. 
"Shit ya! 4%!" Shriya said with a straight face. 
"Fuck! 2%,  Fucking peanuts," Gotham muttered.

My heart started pumping rapidly after seeing their initial reactions.  The Portal was still getting loaded. As the progress bar of the browser moved forward, I had my heart in my mouth. I was getting anxious with every passing minute. Finally, the web page opened. I clicked on the "Show my ratings" Link and I stood stunned. 
"B  - You meet your expectations!" I read.  I calculated and found that  an annual hike of 3 % was awarded to me.  I closed the browser and left for the  Tapri. I took a puff of the cigarette and got lost in my own train of thoughts.  I soon left for my Bay. That day I was disappointed with my appraisal hike. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. Everyone seemed depressed. 
I soon locked my desktop and left for the parking.  I inserted the key into  the ignition and started my Splendour. The security guard saluted me as I neared the gate. It was then I realized that I had forgotten my helmet on my desk.  I  gave him a pleasant smile and moved ahead.

As I was riding the bike,  several thoughts gripped my mind. My mind was invaded by negativity. What about Shoba? What about my twins? What about their education? What about my promise to them? What about the Home Loan?  I just couldn't focus on driving. 
I missed the signal and  rammed onto a Truck.  It wasn't the truck drivers fault. I lay drenched on a pool of blood.  My body lay there on a state of stasis as I felt my soul departing from my body. A mob  thronged into the scene and encircled me. My skull got ruptured  and I observed my bleeding brain.  People were talking amongst themselves. Few of the college going kids were shooting videos with their mobile phones. Police arrived in few minutes. They drew a chalk outline of my body and send my body to the Sion Hospital for a formal necropsy.  The Officials contacted my employer and  my wife Shoba through  the information available on my Office Identity Card.  

I was watching everything from sidelines. Shoba and my boys rushed to the Sion hospital. Tears streamed down her cheeks.  Abhishek and Abhijit were sobbing. I wanted to go down and embrace three of them. My entire team comprising of my Delivery Manager, Project Manager, my juniors and my close friends were present at the Hospital. My boss was providing solace to Shoba.  But tears just couldn't stop flowing from her eyes.  She hugged both my boys and sat in one corner in disbelief.  At that moment, I felt that I shouldn't have fret about the future. Days passed and Shoba and kids were asked to vacate the rented house by the Landlord. She pleaded and asked for time but the arrogant rascal refused to budge. I stayed close to three of them, watching every single action of theirs. I used to be the only source of income of the family. She was helpless. Initially, my organization and my team helped her but such kind of help are only subjected to a limited period of time.  If her parents hadn't disowned her she could have lived with them. But Shoba was a rebel. She could fend for herself and raise our kids. She started working in a house as a maid and my boys discontinued their education as they couldn't afford to pay more fees.  Her mistress  used to harass her.  I just couldn't face all that. 
After a long day at work, she sat down on the floor with the kids sleeping on her lap. I sat next to her. I saw the pain on her eyes. I  always loved her smile.  It was one of the most riveting parts of her body. She looked at my photograph and tears started rolling down her cheeks. 
"Shobha, don't cry!" I asked her not to cry. I just wanted to hug her tight. 
"Shoba, Please don't cry," I said but she ignored me. Maybe she would be ignoring me forever. But I would   mind dying once again to let her know how much I loved her. I so wanted to hug her one more time but that time would never come again.
She deserved a life of a  Queen and we would have happily lived  in our own little Kingdom. I wish I hadn't thought about our future. "Oh God! Save my family and give Strength to Shoba!"  I prayed to God. 
At the same time, I saw Shoba mixing the Rat poison to the food. 
"Shoba! Don't do that for God sake!" I screamed. But sadly all that I screamed or cried could be heard by none
"God save them...God, please stop her. " I screamed at the top of my voice. 
But by then  they all had consumed the food. 
"Shobaaaaa.........." I screeched. The incessant honks from the vehicles behind got me out of the dream. The Traffic Signal showed 3 seconds left. 

"Bhosidike! aage  jaa naa." An auto driver yelled at me.
I moved ahead and thanked Almighty that it was a dream. Dreams could be scary at times and they could tell you everything about your future. I lost my  family in that dream and even saw their sufferings. 

I stopped my bike near a Tapri and washed my face. 
"Never, ever,  Never... I will think about my future," I promised to myself.
My family needs me and I am their support structure.
"I will be there for them forever!" I said and started my bike.
After I reached our home, I hugged and kissed three of them. 
"I love you guys. You are my life!" I hugged them tight,  so tight that no one could separate us.

Dear Friends,
We all should understand that  our family and our loved ones matter the most to us.  It's our responsibility to support them and show that we care for them through our every words and action. Show that you love them! Live the moment! Don't worry or think too much about your future. It will hurt you and eventually hurt your family. 
Live the moment. 
Take Care

1 comment:

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    Would love to hear from you again!