Thursday, September 13, 2018

Hurricane Florence and the Funny Facebook events

Hurricane Florence has been the talk of the town.  Due to its high intensity, it has the threat to destroy many cities across the east coast. The Governers of these eastern states have already declared a state of emergency in their respective states. My home state of North Carolina is on Hurricane Florence's hit list along with the other Carolina. So, the situation is already tense and we can already see the lull before the storm in front of our eyes. We haven't seen sunshine today and it clearly indicates something alarming. Though the hurricane Florence got demoted to category 2 today, it is tipped to strengthen as it goes deep into the inlands over the Carolinas. But instead of panicking because of the fear instilled upon by the hurricane Florence, some fun lovers have got to Facebook to destroy the hurricane.  Check these fun events that are happening over these days. 



Well, most of these individuals who have posted their views in this group appear to be students from the Duke University but yes some of their posts are too funny. Check it out for some fun. Ya, let's take hurricane Florence and push it somewhere else. 


Though the event name indicates that it is a fun event but the discussion there seems like some musical event is about to happen. People can be crazy at times. Unfortunately, I don't have a saxophone so I can't blow my saxophone at the hurricane Florence. Moving on to the next. 

Well, President Trump was widely criticized for this act at Peurto Rico where Hurricane Irma and Maria had destroyed it. Puerto Rico is no longer the same because of these twin hurricanes. President Trump was throwing paper towels at the Puerto Rico folks instead of talking nice. Anyways, moving to the next event.

Of course, everyone thinks twice before hearing something during the moment of crisis such as storm and other natural calamities. Fake news can be very dangerous at times. So as per the event creator Brandom Smith, yelling fake news at the hurricane Florence can certainly scare it and it will go back to the Atlantic ocean. Yeah, right! 

Well, heard of school party and pool party but Hurricane Party's are the new cool kind of parties. Let Hurricane Florence punish the eastern coast but the party must go on! This is the about me of the event.

"THAT'S RIGHT !! THURSDAY NIGHT HURRICANE PARTY !!! Beautiful downtown Graham !! Join us for a fun night filled with lots of surprises... yummy dinner...great live music and.... well...… glasses and glasses of delicious HURRICANES !! Umbrellas are not required but strongly encouraged! Let's all RIDE OUT (the night before) the storm TOGETHER !! Eric and Lisa Kyle will be crankin' up around 7.. We'll be ROCKIN' !!"

Well, the PIVOT here is the reference made to the Show Friends. Check out the video here

This is the second Hurricane Party group that I bump across today. This is fabulous and checks out the about me of this group.
"Florence looks like she is pretty set on coming our way. schools are canceled and the Mill Music Session is sadly postponed! Don’t let Florence ruin your entire week though. Finish getting prepared, get your batteries and your water and your gas and make sure your family is ready, then don’t just sit around and wait... come to hang out with us as we turn Wednesday into a Friday before the storm comes! We will be doing $1 off all draft all day! We will provide the snacks!"

PLUR expands to Peace Love Unity Respect which is a set of principles that is associated with the rave culture. Check this event

Well, I would definitely want to be a part of this party.

I am sure this must be created by some hardcore trump haters. Well, I don't know how the Florence would react to such an event. Good Luck Hurricane Florence.

"This hurricane needs to cut it out, and Cosgrove is just the guy to tell her." reads the event description.

Some core group of folks wants this Hurricane to cry. Check out their event description."Hey guys hoping we can get a big group of Florence and the Machine fans together to play her music really loud to make Hurricane Florence really sad and cry and quit being mean. Will provide refreshments and free hugs!!! Hope to see you there for this good cause"

Well, will hurricane Florence go away if we pretend we can't see her? Wow, logic!

Yeah, why not! Florence is an obedient schoolgirl right?! Well, all the best at pointing finger at Florence but I hope she listens to you.

Duke is a popular university in  North Carolina and as per the latest hurricane trajectory, the hurricane Florence is anyways not hitting Durham. So stay cool and let's not make her think about Durham

Well, let's grab some free paper towels after the storm

Another funny event

Pre-Party? Oh yeah! Never underestimate the storm baby!

"There can only be one" is the about me of the group. Hurricane Florence or the Florence Welch.

You surely want to see the end of the world, don't you?

"If fire doesn't work I'll throw more fire... if that doesn't work, guess its time to take a nap." that's the event description. But either way I don't have a dragon and I'm definitely going to take a nap all these hurricane days.

"Hurricane FLorence is a bit upset. Let's do our best to calm her down before she can make a landfall in North Carolina."

Well, Hurricanes are designed to be destructive and not calm down lol

Another funny event related to the Hurricane Florence

Yeah right. Hurricane Florence would be easily intimidated.

haha. Bruh, no Bruuh

Good one






For a change, some group of folks wants to welcome Florence

"YEET as loud and hard as you can at Hurricane Florence. Let's show this sky wind hole who's boss. YEEEEEEETTTT!!"

Seriously?



The event description is hilarious.
"Come on down to myrtle beach and pull them dicks out for Hurricane Florence! I don’t know science real good and stuff but I do know that NO woman wants to be around that many thirsty ass dudes with there dicks out! So Y'all come on down here and do your part and let’s save the world! #DicksOutForFlorence"

Jesus is sad












No Bruh, never do that for God sake.








Free Scuba diving lessons at the Crabtree Valley Mall in North Carolina


Which one do you think is funny? I believe that it's not right to joke about a serious storm like Florence... If it takes offense then it may destroy all of us for sure ;) Don't worry!

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Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Nawazuddin Siddique Superhit movies

Nawazuddin Siddique Superhit movies


Walking down the stairs, I witnessed my dreams crashing in front of my own eyes. I was summoned by the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) and was asked to vacate the United States in  5 days.  My visa extension case was not approved and as a result, my American dreams got nipped in the bud.  I had packed all my bags and I saw Ashwin, my best friend from the MS days standing in the hall with both my bags.  He was my trusted confidante and I am sure he would miss me the most.  I was supposed to join my Indian company after reaching India. 

"Machha, take care of yourself da," Ashwin Ravikumar, said to me with a strong accent. 
"Of course, I will!" I said.
 I had a direct flight from the Newark Liberty International airport to the Mumbai International airport. The best part about flying in a direct plane was that you could sleep the entire journey without having the trouble to board and deboard at intermediate destinations.

"I will miss you da!" Ashwin said.
"The feeling is mutual, Ash!" I retorted.
As I stepped outside, I saw him running into his room.  He quickly came out with a DVD.
"Machha, tell me your favorite actor name da," Ashwin asked me.
"Ughh? for what?" I asked. 
"Dey machha, tell me da,"  he requested.
"Nawazuddin Siddique," I said.  He quickly scribbled something on the DVD and dropped it into my laptop backpack.
I didn't actually read what he scribbled but whatever he did would be right. I believed him and trusted him a lot. 
I hugged him for the final time before leaving for Newark. 
I boarded the United Airlines flight in time.
                                                           *******

I reached the Mumbai airport at 8.50 PM the next evening. I was so happy to step into India after 5 years in the USA. I saw my kith and kin standing outside at the arrivals.  I was thrilled and exhilarated to see my family. I ascertained that they would have missed me the most all these days. Now, it was my duty to spend some quality time with them. 
"Machha, I reached India da," I whatsapped Ashwin.

"The USA misses you da, ;-) " he replied back.
I was quickly settling down.  We had visitors every day at home who came to meet me. Some were friends while some were my relatives!
It was one of those when my nephews and nieces were at my home to visit me. I had lots of visitors at my home that day in the form of cousins. My 11-year-old nephew's curious eyes grabbed the attention of a DVD on my laptop back. I was in my bedroom working from home. I had sought special permission from my Indian boss so that I could work from home because of the terrible jetlag.  Eventually, I slept for some time.
My 11-year-old nephew called my other nephew and nieces. 
"Let mama sleep," my younger brother silenced them. 

"But chinna mama, see this DVD!" My oldest nephew said to my younger brother. They referred to him as 'chinna mama'. Chinna in Tamil means small and mama was referred to uncle. 
"Nawazuddin Siddique superhit movies!" My brother read the text written on the DVD loudly.
"I think its a movie DVD," he said. 
"Mama came from America and must be tired," my brother said to my nephews and nieces and continued, "Let him take some rest, okay!" 
"Let's watch this movie," he said and took them to the main room. My Uncles, Aunties and my other cousins were seated in the main room. My mother was busy narrating my American journey to them.
My brother inserted the DVD into the DVD player and played the movie.
"Monamour!" read the title of the movie.
"Whose movie is this da?" My uncle asked my younger brother.
"Nawazuddin Siddique's, Chithappa," he replied.
"Directed by - Tinto Brass!" read my brother. 

"Never knew Nawazuddin also acts in Hollywood da," My cousin said to my brother.
"Anna, I think its an old movie," my brother replied to my cousin.
"Dey Thambi, isn't he the guy who acted in movies like Jurassic Park and the Life of Pi?" My other cousin asked my brother.
"Ayyo Akka, that's Irrfan Khan that you are talking about," he replied to my cousin.
"Now, let's watch the movie guys," he said and silenced everyone. 
Everyone in the room was busy watching the movie.  The first 15 minutes of the movie didn't show the presence of Nawazuddin anywhere.
"You sure, this is Nawazuddin Siddique's superhit movie," my cousin curiously enquired him.
"I think that actor is him," my brother was referring to a character that was heavily covered in makeup.
That character soon removed his clothes and the actress was lying naked on the bed. She beckoned him and the guy reached her bed.  He grabbed her from behind and cupped her succulent breasts.
"That's definitely not Nawazuddin!" One of my cousins said and shooed away all my young nephew and nieces to the other room. 
My brother forwarded the scenes and there were too many steamy racy sex scenes. He shut the DVD player and there was deafening silence for a few moments.
"Raghav!" my mother screamed at the top of her voice. She had clearly lost her cool. I jumped out of my bed and went to the main room. 
I saw shards of the DVD on the floor. My father had destroyed the DVD.
I saw raised eyebrows and few bemused pairs of eyes. I was caught in a fix! I knew I had to answer many questions.
"Ashwin, I will kill you the next time we meet!" I said to myself.
How embarrassing it is, I thought to myself as I confronted my parents in the other room while my cousins were busy discussing Nawazuddin's acting skills.

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Monday, September 10, 2018

A woman's body is a temple

Ab initio, faith has played a prominent role in human lives.  I am stunned to come across a multitude of religions across the several countries of the world. My job lets me trek the globe in pursuit of fascinating things for my fabulous viewers like you. I am Dick Johnson, Numero Uno travel and award-winning video producer of the Discovery Travel channel. After traversing the breadth and the length of Brazil, Cambodia, Sri Lanka, and Mexico, I am here to expose my global audience to the Indian culture. After the success of the season 1 of my TV show 'Being Dick!' I am here to shoot the essence of India. 

Throughout my stay in India, I shall present you with the various things that constitute India. Together we are going to witness awesomeness! Right now I am traveling to the Vaishno Devi Mata temple which is a Holy Shrine in India and a popular pilgrimage. Vaishno Devi Mata is considered to be the mother who fulfills the wishes of all her children and this child from San Fransico, USA is going to bow to the mother to see my dreams come true.  The holy cave of the mother is located at an altitude of 5000 ft from the base camp and I have already walked 6 km and 6 more to go to see the mother.  There is one thing I love about Indians and it is their love for their faith. Here people of all religions live together in unity and Indian men respect women and women are treated and respected as a Goddess here! Isn't that incredible about this country. As I walk, I see thousand men and women walking along with me. This is so exciting and new to me. India indeed is incredible! As I walk, I see young children selling flowers for the mata darshan. 

Millions of people visit the Vaishno Devi  Shrine every year making it the most popular shrine in the world.  I witness several Indian fans of mine trying to befriend me throughout this journey. I have never considered myself a friendly person but today seeing the amount of love being showered upon me, I have started to believe that love is a universal emotion. Finally, after 2 hours, I near the mata. This is so new to me! I can't believe I am doing this in India though I longed to do this! 

As a part of my visit here, I shall be interviewing random people and converse with them about their country and what all changes they want to see in their country.  Vaishno Devi mother is surely going to bless my show making it successfully once again, I thought! As I walked inside, I witnessed the sight of a young man of around 30 witnessing the darshan. He joined both his hand and closed his eyes.  He must be having a big dream for sure, I realized! He opened his eyes and looked at the goddess mother.  He smiled at her. It was an amazing sight to see. I captured all these moments in my camera.  I've never seen such respect for a religious deity ever in my existence of 54 years.  I started to have a good impression of him. A man who can love the Vaishno Devi Mata will surely respect other women! Bravo, let's catch the guy! I and my crew quickly follow him from behind.

He finally gets to meet his friends who patiently wait for him outside. Must be an awesome group of friends I reckoned. My eyes were fixated on him. I was mighty impressed by this person. This is the man who can give my show a flying start to the season 2.  As I and my crew step closer, I saw these group of friends leering and ogling at the foreign female tourists. They were passing lewd comments at her.  The man whom I admired moments ago was the captain of this gang. 

"Bruh, look at her boobs.. so big!" he said to his group of friends and continued, "I wish I could bang her tonight... how awesome it would be no!"  I stood there stunned as I listened to the words he spoke. I was disappointed at the fact that my own eyes and my mind had deceived me. 
My entire perspective and perception of Indian men were defeated in a single second. I was visibly disappointed and decided to cancel the shoot. That was the worst day of my life! 


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Monday, September 03, 2018

Lull after the storm

Life changes when there is a  lull after the storm


You might be wondering why I have twisted this popular phrase of "Lull before Storm".  No wonder, life now seems different.  To be honest, my life has always been a lull before as well as after the storm. The storm stole all our happiness and it left behind melancholy. It's just that we are still fighting our best to recover from the damages it caused. Too much of analogy huh! Well!

I am trying hard to get back to regular writing and reading. I never really felt that I would be able to write again. The creative juices in my brain that once used to flow like a mighty river has drained off and all that is left behind is a severe drought of creative ideas. My mind can no longer think like it used to do in the early 2010's where my brain would churn out wonderful ideas. My posts from the past are the evidence of my creative work.  Now when I look behind and reminiscence those days, it just feels like that was another guy who wrote it. I have been working hard on the professional front and maybe that's why I could not dedicate enough time to what I love. 

It's true that the loss of your loved ones can break you into shards.  Life hurts the most when your loved ones turn into memories and you are left behind in their memories that are presented in digital photos and videos. Its been 10 months and her absence have been haunting us like never before. I am sure my sister is happy in heaven. 

It's becoming difficult to focus on several things.  You look at yourself with pity and see yourself sinking in your own pain. I am caught as the prisoner of my past and I am not able to get out of it. I have been learning new things. With great difficulty, I have been trying to learn Python which far most is the programming language of the future.  It might be difficult but I am sure I am going to conquer the old me once again. 

I have joined a popular professional networking site called Shapr and I have made many new friends through that.  Its conceptualized from the very idea of Tinder and several dating websites. The only difference is that you meet people on the basis of your skills.  Well, try it if you are interested in professional networking.  It was during my times of struggle when I would helpless look at those 100s of blog posts that I had subscribed to in the past. That was when I chance upon the Blogchatter email of 'My Friend Alexa'. I have already participated in this in the past years though my blogging has gone for a toss after I migrated to the USA. 

Right now my goal is to learn something new that the market demands and progress in life.  It's not that I no longer cherish blogging and doing creative stuff. It's just that I want to give some me-time to myself.  But of course, creativity defines my me-time. I read a few of my old short stories and I read the comments from each one of you. You all have been my strength and I believe I will back to regular blogging soon. Though I say this every time and disappear,  this time I  promise I will be regular. I have enrolled in the 'My Friend Alexa' this year. 
Stay in touch and thank you to the kind people who take time to visit this deserted blog and spend some time here.  I wish you all the best 

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Monday, March 20, 2017

Hypocrisy of Indians - April A to Z Theme Reveal 2017

Hypocrisy of Indians - April A to Z Theme Reveal 2017
Knock Knock! Anyone home? 

The Solitary Writer just woke up from a deep slumber last weekend and that too at a time when April A to Z is around the corner. So, in the year 2015, I festooned my blog with a different gamut of emotions ranging from Apology to Happiness and Jealousy to Dedication and much more. 


In the year 2016, I thought of playing with lives of two individuals and thus came the He and She who were so fond of each other that they used to fight over petty issues and patch up soon.  It was fun and I was worried because those were continuous posts that required the reader to traverse back to the A post to follow the continuum.

This year I am blank. For weeks, I was pondering over the theme for April A to Z. I was feeling weird several times. Because several times my innocent mind switched between different topics. But now I have made up my mind.  I am going to present the Hypocrisy of Indians this year. 
So yes, my theme is decided. It is the hypocrisy of Indians.
See you in April! Yes, it's just a week away and I hope I survive this year's challenge.

Till then, Auf Wiedersehen,
Das Ste 
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Thursday, September 22, 2016

The Client Appreciation

The Client Appreciation



India has turned into an outsourcing unit for the Western world. Most of the IT MNC's rely on countries such as India, Philippines and Indonesia  because they are the countries where most of their IT work gets outsourced. It's obvious that in such circumstances it becomes mandatory to keep the boss happy. There is a popular culture in IT called as appreciation ( also called as client appreciation). Client appreciation is a way to let the resources know that they have done a fabulous job in constructing a quality product. This appreciation episode reminds me of a funny incident that happened in my previous organisation.
For most companies, pleasing their client is an important activity. They religiously follow the customer is King mantra. Of course, the customer is definitely a King. After all, he pays you for the services that you offer. There was a guy with me named Nikhil who worked with me in my team. He was totally new to the team. He quickly got a grasp of the system but he was an arrogant guy. A Numero Uno Rabble Rouser he was! One day, the client representative wished him on the Office Communicator and said thanks.
It was "Thanks, Nikhil :) " 

This amazing gentleman took a snapshot of the chat and emailed it keeping the boss and the super boss in the loop. The Manager was impressed and he added few more senior officials in the mail chain just for that 'Thanks, Nikhil :)'
"That's impressive, Nikhil!" The Manager replied.
"Good work. You make us  proud!" The senior manager commented.
"That's sheer brilliance, Nikhil!" The director of the organisation replied to the mail.
 This went on and even our team was in the loop. Nikhil was enjoying the limelight.  We stood there flabbergasted when we saw the mail replies.
"Thanks is not an appreciation, dude!" I said to my close friend.
"I know!" he replied.
While we were busy engrossed in our work, our eyes chanced upon a mail that made us laugh. It was a laughter riot.
"I see "Thanks" in all the emails that the client replies to me. Does that mean he has appreciated me?" There was a witty reply by one of the onshore folk.
Yes, he was correct. Actually, he was referring the Email Signature.
 Sooner, another guy replied. "I also see Best Regards in all the replies that the client sends to me. Does it mean he is conveying me his best regard? Does he love me? "
That was hilarious. Poor Nikhil's email chain was clearly hijacked. By now it had a huge number of recipients.  That was the highest level of Trolling. Everyone on our floor was laughing.  This news spread like a wildfire and became a joke.
Indian Managers are fond of appreciating everyone. But they should remember that thank you is  not a token of appreciation. I have seen appreciation emails for "Good Job" and all.
Always remember that a proper appreciation mail is something where the customer mentions all details and how it has helped or benefited them.
Between, I recently got appreciation for one of my work and believe me it was a really good gesture by my client manager.
I'll see you the next time. Soon!

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Thursday, September 15, 2016

Sharma Ji Ki Beti 3

Read Part 1 , Part 2
Bunty cried whole night thinking of his plight. For days, he drenched his bed with tears thinking about his Papa. Having an understanding mother was his lone strength. She was his support structure. 

"I'm still waiting for the day when I can be proud of my son. I don't see that day coming anytime soon." His Papa's words flashed on his mind. That couldn't let him sleep for days. He was clearly demotivated.
Years passed and he was in 12th Class now. It was an important phase of life for many students in India. Papa and Bunty were not in talking terms. This hurt Bunty immensely.

Tired of life, he even tried committing suicides several time.  But every time he thought of that, his twitter, facebook, snap chat and his mobile phone flashed in front of his eyes. One day while he was taking rest on his bed, he saw a tiny spider trying to reach the ceiling. 

That day he got reminded of a story that his grandmother told him when he was young. It was about a Scottish King named Robert Bruce who derived inspiration from a tiny spider trying to reach its cobweb at the roof.  Shattered and Hopeless, he tried of running away, but this spider motivated him for a new beginning and it taught  a great lesson to the King. Bunty's situation presently was no different than the King. He saw the tiny spider on his wall trying to reach the ceiling.

Curious, he saw the tiny spider moving slowly and gently. He used a magnifying glass to study its behaviour. The tiny spider caught the attention of Bunty and tried talking to him through telepathy. Bunty was amazed at first. "Oh Fuck! That's a talking Spider." Bunty freaked out.

"Hey Spider, inspire me please!" Bunty said.
The tiny spider showed  Bunty its middle finger and said, "Enjoy your life. Don't be serious. It's a trap. Don't pay heed to your Papa, Bunty!"

The tiny Spider seem to have been exhibiting its thug side very well. The tiny spider gave up when it couldn't reach the ceiling and left.
Even the tiny Spider could not inspire Bunty. Even a spider behaves like a thug, Bunty thought!
Shattered, Bunty switched on the TV to his favourite music  channel.
He lay on his bed and was immersed in his own train of thoughts.

Han yehi rasta hai tera, tune yeh jaana hai,
Haan yeh Sapna hai tera, tune pehchana hai,
Tujhe abh yeh dikhana hai,
Roke tujhko aandhiya, ya zameen aur aasman
Paayega jo Lakshya hai tera
Lakshya ko har haal mei paana hai

The lyrics of that song from the movie Lakshya , travelled deep into his veins and arteries. He got super motivated. He jumped from the bed and opened his books.  Bunty and his books were like the worst enemies. He touched his book only during his exams. If his books could speak, even it would have abused him badly for not touching it every day.

He took his Science Book and started with chapter 1 . He read the answers carefully and tried to understand the concept. This went on for days. Maa would give him Bournivita every night and Horlicks every morning. He religiously visited temples, churches, mosques and gurudwara's in his locality every day. He studied for 4 hours every night. Now his sole intention was to get one mark more than Sharma ji ki beti, Shalini Sharma. He wanted to win back his Papa's trust.

One Night at 3 AM, when Papa went to the washroom to attend nature's call, he realized that Bunty's room had its light on. He peeped in through the window and saw Bunty studying.  He couldn't believe his eyes at first. He rubbed his eyes with his fingers and pinched himself to confirm if it was Bunty or someone else. Yes, it was his son Bunty! He smiled and left for his room. Days passed and Bunty started studying for 6 to 8 hours every day. Every time his eyes closed, Shalini Sharma would appear in front of his eyes.
Bunty's board Exam days neared. He now started studying every day for 18 hours and slept only for 4 hours. He stayed away from social media and everything that could distract him. Finally, he gave his exams. All his papers went well sans Mathematics. Every day after exams, he used to look at Shalini Sharma and watch her reaction. She had Eureka moment every day. According to her friends, it seemed could get 100 marks in all her papers.
He almost gave up. Seeing her confidence of getting the first rank dimmed his hopes of impressing his Papa. He was clearly disappointed.
His holidays flew so fast just like the monsoons in Delhi. Bunty's Maa had immense faith in him. Finally, the result day had arrived. He logged into his laptop and launched the board exam results website.
The server was busy. After  refreshing the website 150 times, the moment arrived.

"98.8% marks.Congratulations!!" The message read.
Bunty's mother almost jumped from the seat. "I'm so proud of you, beta," she said,ruffling Bunty's hair.

His nervousness hiked. He started sweating profusely. It was Shalini Sharma's marks. He hadn't scored more than 65% in his entire school life. If he had to win his Papa's trust, then he should score more than 98.8%. He believed in Give your best, God will do the rest. 
His current situation was like that of an Indian Athlete trying to defeat Usain Bolt in the 100 metres race at the Olympics. 

"Maa, that's not my marks.  That's Sharma ji ki Beti's score," he told his mother.
"What about yours?" She asked curiously.
He entered his seat number in the text field and hit the submit button. The site was overloaded with too many requests. It was still loading and after 15 minutes, it got opened. Bunty and his mother joined their hands and remembered all the Gods from all religions.
Bunty opened his eyes and cried.
"Papa, I let you down again," he screeched.
He was sad for not scoring more than Shalini Sharma. She had secured the 1st rank in his school.
"97.5% Congratulations! " He read the message again. Bunty stood 2nd in his school but he was upset that he couldn't make his Papa happy. 

He wasn't happy for his own achievements.
"Maa, I got 97.5%!" he said, upset.
His Maa hugged him tight and said," All your hard work paid off!"
"But Papa won't be happy!" He cried.
Papa had come home early that day. Maa offered him a glass of Chaas.
Bunty went close to his Papa and sat next to him.
"Papa.." he said.

Papa was busy reading the newspaper.
They both never talked much  all these days.
"Papa..." he said again.
Papa looked at Bunty and asked, "Did you call me?"
"Papa, my 12th Std results are declared." Bunty said.
"Okay! Great! " Papa said.
"I scored 97.5% ,Papa!" Bunty said to his Papa.
"I am sorry , Papa!"  Tears welled in Bunty's eyes.
Papa looked at him. There was deafening silence for a moment.
"Come, here beta," he said.

Bunty obediently went close to his dad.
 Whenever his Papa called him, Bunty got beaten terribly. He expected something similar.

"SLAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"


Bunty realized it was a dream. Papa had not slapped him.
Papa hugged him tight. "You've made me proud, Bunty!" Papa said and asked , "Mithai Nahi doge Papa ko?"
"But Papa, I'm sorry!" Bunty said.
"Why?" Papa asked.
"Sharma ji ki beti scored more than me," he said.
"It's okay!"he said and replied," Scoring 97.5% is a very big thing in life."
"You have proved me that you are the best." Papa was visibly happy.

"Sharma ji ki beti may have got more marks than you but you have given me extreme happiness today," Papa said.
"Mera Bunty Zarur Engineer Banega!" Papa announced.
Bunty looked at him helplessly and gave an animated smile, concealing all his dreams and ambitions within.

... To be continued.


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Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Even a Booty shake can Ruin ones life!

Many years ago, in the North Indian  town of Gaziabad, it was said that an angel appeared for the first time. Everyone must have heard of alien sighting but not angel sighting. The gorgeous angel had mesmerizing looks and her eyes were seraphic. At the same time, a little girl was born. Her family named her Jasbah. Jasbah, because they thought she would grow up and understand their feelings and make her proud. This little lady had big dreams in her eyes. She wanted to make it big.  

"Dekhna Chanda, mei badi hoke sabko apni Jasbah dikhaungi," she would say this often to her best friend Chanda, indicating that she wanted to be a big actress in Bollywood. 

With this vision of making something grand in the film industry, she started working hard. She used to take part in various plays and dramas during her school days. Years passed, Jasbah grew up gracefully to be the most beautiful woman in India. She earned small roles in various short films and a lead role in a popular TV daily soap. Everyone who saw her acting would tag her as the lady perfectionist and some used to call her Lady Aamir. Though she hails from a small town like Gaziabad, she made it big in Mumbai. Being a numero uno actress of the silver screen earned her a place in many fans heart. A Heartthrob of millions, she was!  Pretty Looking, slim and slender, furrowed brows were some of the most riveting features of her body. Every time she smiled there were millions who smiled with her. That was the impact and the power of her smile. She could do every thing on earth. She could dance, act, sing and what not. Such a versatile personality she was! A very few knew her by her real name. She was fondly called as the 'Pyari Bahu' in the Tele world where she plays the role of Divyanka who happens to be the lead protagonist of the TV show. It has been nominated for the 'Best TV Soap' category at the Annual Tele Awards for 2016. To add feather to its cap, Jasbah was nominated for the 'Best Actress' category. Her happiness hiked to a new level when the show producer called her and informed this!  It is said that great personalities are often jinxed and so was Jasbah. She was nominated for 12 times for the Best Actress Award at several award ceremonies but everytime she had to return empty handed. Due to this she even earned the nick name of 'Leo' of  Indian Television Industry as actor Leonardo Caprio had to wait 7 times before he won the prestigious academy award. She would remain upset most of the times but bettered with every performance.
This year she was sure that she would grab the award after her 13th Nomination.

"Pyari Bahu rocks!" She often used to say this.
The Award function was about to take place today at 7 PM.
After 2.5 hours of make up, she waited for the clock to struck 6. As the clock struck 6, she revealed her look to her family. They all liked it. She was dressed in gossamer fine, red garment, which was embroidered with gold, and jeweled butterflies and other ornaments adorned her lustrous black hair. She was wearing precious gems in her ears, and her arms and wrists were covered with bracelets, while a golden band encircled her slender waist and anklets of gold shined on her feet.She had the 'pyari bahu' look in her.  She entered the venue at 6.30 PM and posed for the shutterbugs. Many Bollywood celebrities could be seen. A famous TV paparazzi caught her attention and asked her," So, 13th time today? Are you gonna be lucky?"

"Fuck Yeah! 13th time, Jasbah gonna show her Jasbah today! I will be victorious," she said and walked away.

The venue was festooned with bright colors and one could see MahaRoof Khan, Bhumitabh Sacchan, Kakshay Kumar and many famous celebrities seated on the front row. As she walked inside, Balman Khan, fondly called as Balma Bhai of Bollywood hugged Jasbah. Balma Bhai was fond of shooting and whenever he meandered in the jungle , the deers would never venture out because of him. Such was the power of his man! Because of Balman Khan, she bagged his first role as an actress opposite Balman Khan himself.

Soundarya Rai Sachhan greeted Jasbah on her way.  Jignes Paul and Neel Kant were the anchors for the night . A 10,000 people witnessed the award function. Awards were distributed from the word 'go' itself. Few dance performances graced the event.
"Ahh, so its the time to announce the list gorgeous ladies in the Tele industry who made it to the final nomination for the Best Actress category," Jignes Paul said.
"The Nominees are,
1."Divya Patel" for "Sasu Maa".
2."Tapasiya Sen" for "Upkaran"
3."Jasbah Khan for "Pyari Bahu"
4."Sejal Trivedi" for "Sanskriti"
5."Deepika Choudhary" for "Aasha Kiran"
The hosts announced the nominees names.
"We would like to invite Mr.Bishi Kapoor and Mr. Barun Dhawan to present the award," Jignes Paul announced.

"And the best actress award goes to......." Mr.Bishi Kapoor winked.
"Any guesses, guys," Barun asked.
Meanwhile all the actresses were nervous and Jasbah didn't want to be left alone. Every time her name was announced as nomination, her heartbeat hiked zillion times. She only earned disappointment.

"And the best actress is Jasbah Khan  for  Pyari Bahu," announced Mr .Bishi Kapoor who was also known as Pintu baba in Bollywood.
Everyone cheered for her. She stood there agape.She couldn't believe her own ears. She pinched her thrice to confirm if this wasn't a dream.

She was visibly excited as it was for the first time she was blessed with the Golden Girl. She walked up on the stage and hugged both Bishi Kapoor and Barun Dhawan. She couldn't control  her emotions and tears welled in her eyes.
"Toh Jasbah ji aakhir mei Jasbah dikha hi di," Jignes Paul said to Jasbah Khan.
Jasbah smiled at him and winked. Her happiness today knew no boundaries.
"Firstly!" she started. 

She turned behind with her back facing the 10000 audiences and twerked her butt. It was popularly called as the booty shake in the western world. She expressed her emotions by performing this pelvic thrust step.


Maharoof Khan and Bhamitabh Sachhan was busy discussing  about their next film and they remained stunned as they saw Jasbah's booty shake. The crowd went berserk and asked for once more.   She smiled and went on to continue with her speech.
"Thanks Jasbah!" Jignes Paul said brusquely, still not believing what he just saw.

She was delighted  for winning her first award. Poor thing never knew that a major shock awaited her for her booty shake.

She was a student of Sandeep Sir who taught her most of the dance forms .Apart from Booty shake ,she could even perform Cat  dance, Nageen  dance, Rain dance, Ganpati Dance  and Mithun da's trademark Pelvic thrust. She owed 1/4th of her success  to Sandeep Malan sir.
Outside she was girdled by a bunch of News Reporters. She never realized what she'd done was wrong. Her joy was at the peak and her butts reacted leading to the booty shake.
"Jasbah, aakhir mei aapne jeet hi li, kaise feel kar rahe ho?" asked a news reporter from Kabh Tak.
"Feelin Good. Top of the World!" Jasbah replied.

"Bohot Khushi mehsus kar rahi hu aaj," she replied to another reporters question.
She was tired when she arrived at her home. She was expecting a grand reception at home. But the scene at home was totally different.

Her entire family was glued to Headlines Everyday News channel.
"Actress Jasbah's butt don't lie as she does a booty shake  after receiving award, " said Shravan Kumar,the news presenter of the Headlines Everyday Channel.
She grabbed the remote from her mother and switched to Times Wow.

"We have Andrew Atkins, professor for Human Behavior, Miss Shobha Le, an author and Miss Shradha Sengupta, a famous Physchologist with us at our studio today. Do you think that is how a person would react after getting overwhelmed," Pranab Goswami,the Chief Editor of Times Wow asked the experts.

 
"Well Pranab , a person is responsible for  their actions.For control is essential for a person. One would know how to control her emotions and feelings at a bigger spectrum. In a country like India , I'm seeing this for the first time where culture has utmost importance than anything else. Being an American, this has happened many times in US..Even I, myself love doing booty shake,"  Prof. Andrew Atkins said.

"Whats your views, Miss Shobha Le?" Pranab asked the author.
"We live in a liberal society? A person is free to do anything. Why create a fuss of it? " She replied.

Meanwhile the channel was busy showing the booty shake of Jasbah Khan  repeatedly.
"Andrew, but how could one forget her culture and traditions while you are receiving an award at a stage in front of Senior actors and many people. Where is our culture and tradition ?,"Miss Sengupta expressed her views.

"Where is our culture and tradition in Jasbah Khan's Booty shake?" Pranab Goswami asked and continued, " The  Nation wants to know. India wants to know!"
"At this time, we are heading for a break , You can tweet us using #JasbahsBootyShake on Twitter." He said.

She quickly logged into Twitter and saw that her Notification tab was bombarded with over 2 lakhs notifications. She has 16 lakh new followers within 3 hours. She saw that she was trending on Twitter.
"#JasbahsBootyShake" was leading the trend followed by #JasbahButtsDontLie and #BootyShake and #AnnualTeleAwards.
She was frustrated.

"Guys, never get me wrong. I feel embarrassed. Don't make me famous for wrong reasons. Pls." She tweeted. Within 30 seconds, her tweet was retweeted 1000 times and liked by 1300 people.
"Just coming, Jasbah tweets asking not to get her booty shake wrong." Pranab Goswami announced.
"Andrew, why don't you teach me little bit of this booty shake?" Shradha Sengupta requested Prof. Andrew Atkins and winked.

"Go and ask Jasbah Khan. She does it better than me." He laughed and continued, "I got no ambitions of trending in twitter in English , Hindi, Gujarati and Tamil..all at a same time." The entire guests laughed to Andrew Atkin's remark
She switched on to some Hindi channels and there the case was even worse.
"Aakhir mei Jasbah Khan ne Award manch pe Dikha di apni Jasbah!" the News Presenter from Kabh Tak News channel announced.

Few channels were asking viewers opinion in form of poll sms.
"Do you think Jasbah was correct in doing that Booty Shake?"
"If your answer is Yes ,sms Yes to 5555 else sms No to 5555."
Jasbah was already pissed off . Her whatsapp notifications crossed 1200 unread messages and she was constantly getting calls from News channels and her friends. In order to avoid further embarassment , she switched off her cell phone.
She was crying the whole night for that booty shake.

"How am I supposed to express my joy ?" She asked  herself and cried.
She spent a sleepless night and learned that some twitterattis had taken to abusing and passing gross comments about her and her butt dance. She was tired of blocking people.
The next morning when she woke up , even the newspapers didn't spare her.

"Pyari Bahu's Booty shakes well at Annual Tele Awards '16."Mumbai times front page headlines read with the photo of Jasbah Khan.


Her producers had called her to inform that she had been removed from the show due to media hype about her booty shake.

Balman Khan's manager contacted her and informed her that she had been scrapped from the Project.

" God,I never knew my butts would land me in so much trouble ," she said looking at the award, the golden girl.

She was not given preferences in any Teleserials, movies was out of question. She used to get small assignments in Bhojpuri movies.
She cursed herself for ruining her own career.

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Thursday, September 08, 2016

Sharma Ji ki Beti -2

Sharma Ji ki Beti -2
Continued from Sharma Ji ki Beti 1. Read here 

It was a Balmy Friday afternoon.  Bunty and friends came out of the Exam hall. It was their Class 10 Semester Exams. Bunty was highly confident that he would pass the Mathematics exam with flying colours.  While Bunty was reminiscing his not so glorious past encounters with his Papa, his friends were busy discussing the Question Papers. That was when Bunty overheard the Q. 3 A Answer. 
"Dude, is the answer 45.9 degrees?" Bunty confirmed the answer with one of his friend in the group. 
"No, Bunty!" he riposted. "It is 60. I hope you calculated Tan value for it,"he added.
"I messed it up," Bunty said, his face visibly upset.  
"And for Q.1 D? Tell me Suresh had 29 balls?" Bunty asked his group.
"Naa, Suresh had 2 balls," One of the guy said and it was a laughter riot.
"Bunty,  he had 47 balls," The same friend replied and continued, "It's a basic probability formula." 
Bunty believed that those two were relatively the most easiest Questions that was ever asked. He was sure that he would be scoring full marks for those particular questions. But still, none of his answers was close to what his friends said.  His confidence was now  dimming just like the sinking evening sun. Before discussing the question paper, he summed up his attempted questions and it came out to be around 60. But after discussing , his attempted questions summed out to be around 27. 
"All I could manage is  just fucking 27." He slapped his forehead.
He thoroughly went through the question paper and mentally added few points for steps and got his imaginary score to 35. 
"35. That's what I need. Else I am going to die at my Home. " He said to himself.
Weeks passed and various types of rumours made rounds in the class. One of the guys informed the class that 95 % of the class has failed in Mathematics.  While the other news making round was that Sharma was the only girl in the class to pass and that too a mere "Just Pass"
Bunty was getting anxious day by day. With each passing day, he spent sleepless nights at home.  Those days he sincerely prayed to Lord Shiva and turned more religious. His Parents were shocked. He just wanted 35 marks and nothing more or nothing less than that. 
Two weeks later, the Teacher ceremoniously walked inside the classroom. Placing the answer sheet on the desk, she quickly scanned the entire classroom. She asked the Class Prefect to distribute the Answer sheets. 
"Rajeev 12 marks " he announced and an extremely embarrassed Rajeev came to collect the mark sheet.
"Anamika 18 marks "
"Mangu 8 marks "
"Raghav 23 marks "
"Shalini 24 marks" The Prefect announced. A pair of bemused eyes looked at each other, perplexed. They couldn't believe their ears when the class Perfect announced her marks. Tears streamed down her cheeks copiously. 
"It is impossible," she uttered  and like a crazy woman, she started counting her marks meticulously. 
"Bunty 32 marks, the class topper" Bunty's heart almost stopped beating when the Class Prefect announced his marks. 
"Congratulations Bunty, you get some consolation," the teacher said and laughed. 
That day he felt cheated. He religiously visited every Temple, Church , Mosque and Gurudwara in his neighbourhood just for 35 marks. He felt that even the Gods didn't want him to pass. His mind was etching a concrete plan to confront Papa. But that day Papa had come home early. 
Bunty quickly rushed inside his room and changed his clothes. He, like an obedient pupil, started solving Mathematics problems. Papa stormed into his room. His Maa followed him inside. 
"Is it raining outside?"Papa jokingly asked to which his wife replied, "Naa Jii."
"Your Son has a book on his hands...It has to rain," He continued and laughed.
Papa sat next to Bunty and had a sip of chai. He cleared his throat and asked him," SO how are studies, beta?"
"Papa, I got to know my marks today." Bunty murmured. 
"But before I say my marks, I got to give a news to you," he added.
"What is the news? Did you Pass or what?" Papa asked.
"Sharma Ji ki Beti fail ho gayi, Papa," Bunty said.
"Achha beta," Papa riposted.
"She only got 24 marks," Bunty said and smiled.
"I can't believe. " Papa replied.
"So how does it matters to me?" Papa took a sip of chai and continued, "As if I really care about Sharma Ji ki beti." 
Papa was a big time hypocrite, Bunty thought. He was unpredictable that day. Bunty realised that Papa was in a good mood.
"How much marks did you get, Bunty?" Papa asked curiously.
"Papa I topped," Bunty said to which Papa patted his shoulder and appreciated him. His Maa joined her hands and thanked Almighty.
"How much marks?" Papa asked.
"32," Bunty replied. There was deafening silence for a moment.  Papa looked at Maa and asked, "100 ka passing marks Kitna hai?"
"Ji 35," Maa replied to her husband.
Even she realized that even the Gods won't be able to save her son from getting beaten.
"So you managed to top the paper and still failed the exam, right, Bunty?" Papa asked.
"Ohh yeaahhhhhhh...Pa Paaa Paaaaa PaaaaaaaaPa," Bunty replied.

"SLAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"

Bunty fell down from the bed. It felt like as if an earthquake of  Richter 7.5 had struck him hard. "
He lay down and helplessly looked at his Maa. Papa glared at him. Bunty's Maa joined her hands and asked him to forgive Bunty. 
"I'm waiting for the day when Bunty would Pass." Papa said to Maa and continued, "That day is never going to come..." He soon left his room.
He lost all his faith in Bunty. Maa helped Bunty to stand up and asked him," Why had you lied that you topped the class?" 
"Maa, trust me, I really topped the class.." he replied.
"And still failed ?" Maa asked, bewildered.
"Haan.."


..To be Continued..

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Tuesday, September 06, 2016

Sharma ji ki Beti -1

Sharma ji ki Beti -1


Maa was busy engrossed in the kitchen as Bunty entered the house. He was visibly nervous.  His semester exam scores were revealed. Standing near the window, he peeped inside his own house like a thief eying precious items.
He meticulously entered the house taking one baby step at a time. 
"What happened, Bunty?" a hoarse voice spoke. 
"Nothing Papa," Bunty murmured. 
Papa asked Bunty to sit next to him as he switched on the TV.
"So how are the studies , Bunty?" he asked, curiously.
Bunty looked around for his Maa. His mother was his guardian angel who always rescued him from getting beaten from his Papa.
"Did you get your results?" He cleared his throat and asked," What happened? Why are you so silent?"
"Aap bhi Ji, Bachha hai wo," Maa entered the scene and offered Bunty a glass of Tea with rusk. "Don't scold him," Maa said, ruffling  his hair. 

"Papa..." Bunty opened his mouth.
"Yes, Bunty."
"Teacher distributed the mark sheet." 
"So , did you Pass?" Papa asked him, slowly brushing his moustache with his fingers.
Bunty slowly stood up and hid behind his Maa.
"Come here, I won't do anything to you," Papa said. Bunty and his Maa looked at each other , perplexed. Bunty knew that going to his Papa was  equivalent to scuba diving inside a river full of crocodiles. He any how had to get beaten but this time Papa smiled and invited him. "Was this killing with a smile?" he asked himself.

Eventually after contemplating for a while, Bunty obeyed his father's word and went close to him.
"Papa, I failed," Bunty said,worriedly.

*Slapppppppp........*

Bunty tumbled down and it took him some time to recover.
"Besharam," Papa screamed at the top of his voice.
"Achha , tell me one thing?" he asked.
"What Papa?" asked Bunty.
"Sharma Ji ki Beti ko Kitne marks mile?"
 Bunty hid his face in shame and said , "Woh to Pass ho gayi Papa.."
He just added more salt to his own wound.
.... To Be Continued..

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