Welcome to the 'The Solitary Writer' blog. This webspace is a central repository of all my creative spears. Enjoy my short stories, poetries, humour write ups, reviews and more. I hope you would like my blog.

Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Arjun wife 2

"Arjun, why did you cheat on me?" Nisha asked.
"You have another wife?" She curiously enquired.
"Are you out of your mind?" Arjun said, visibly annoyed.
"Then who is Arjun wife 2 on your friend Deepak's phone?" She asked.
"His wife is my good friend and she told me this!"
"Yeah, buy another Jio SIM."

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Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Nawazuddin Siddique Superhit movies

Nawazuddin Siddique Superhit movies

Walking down the stairs, I witnessed my dreams crashing in front of my own eyes. I was summoned by the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) and was asked to vacate the United States in  5 days.  My visa extension case was not approved and as a result, my American dreams got nipped in the bud.  I had packed all my bags and I saw Ashwin, my best friend from the MS days standing in the hall with both my bags.  He was my trusted confidante and I am sure he would miss me the most.  I was supposed to join my Indian company after reaching India. 

"Machha, take care of yourself da," Ashwin Ravikumar, said to me with a strong accent. 
"Of course, I will!" I said.
 I had a direct flight from the Newark Liberty International airport to the Mumbai International airport. The best part about flying in a direct plane was that you could sleep the entire journey without having the trouble to board and deboard at intermediate destinations.

"I will miss you da!" Ashwin said.
"The feeling is mutual, Ash!" I retorted.
As I stepped outside, I saw him running into his room.  He quickly came out with a DVD.
"Machha, tell me your favorite actor name da," Ashwin asked me.
"Ughh? for what?" I asked. 
"Dey machha, tell me da,"  he requested.
"Nawazuddin Siddique," I said.  He quickly scribbled something on the DVD and dropped it into my laptop backpack.
I didn't actually read what he scribbled but whatever he did would be right. I believed him and trusted him a lot. 
I hugged him for the final time before leaving for Newark. 
I boarded the United Airlines flight in time.

I reached the Mumbai airport at 8.50 PM the next evening. I was so happy to step into India after 5 years in the USA. I saw my kith and kin standing outside at the arrivals.  I was thrilled and exhilarated to see my family. I ascertained that they would have missed me the most all these days. Now, it was my duty to spend some quality time with them. 
"Machha, I reached India da," I whatsapped Ashwin.

"The USA misses you da, ;-) " he replied back.
I was quickly settling down.  We had visitors every day at home who came to meet me. Some were friends while some were my relatives!
It was one of those when my nephews and nieces were at my home to visit me. I had lots of visitors at my home that day in the form of cousins. My 11-year-old nephew's curious eyes grabbed the attention of a DVD on my laptop back. I was in my bedroom working from home. I had sought special permission from my Indian boss so that I could work from home because of the terrible jetlag.  Eventually, I slept for some time.
My 11-year-old nephew called my other nephew and nieces. 
"Let mama sleep," my younger brother silenced them. 

"But chinna mama, see this DVD!" My oldest nephew said to my younger brother. They referred to him as 'chinna mama'. Chinna in Tamil means small and mama was referred to uncle. 
"Nawazuddin Siddique superhit movies!" My brother read the text written on the DVD loudly.
"I think its a movie DVD," he said. 
"Mama came from America and must be tired," my brother said to my nephews and nieces and continued, "Let him take some rest, okay!" 
"Let's watch this movie," he said and took them to the main room. My Uncles, Aunties and my other cousins were seated in the main room. My mother was busy narrating my American journey to them.
My brother inserted the DVD into the DVD player and played the movie.
"Monamour!" read the title of the movie.
"Whose movie is this da?" My uncle asked my younger brother.
"Nawazuddin Siddique's, Chithappa," he replied.
"Directed by - Tinto Brass!" read my brother. 

"Never knew Nawazuddin also acts in Hollywood da," My cousin said to my brother.
"Anna, I think its an old movie," my brother replied to my cousin.
"Dey Thambi, isn't he the guy who acted in movies like Jurassic Park and the Life of Pi?" My other cousin asked my brother.
"Ayyo Akka, that's Irrfan Khan that you are talking about," he replied to my cousin.
"Now, let's watch the movie guys," he said and silenced everyone. 
Everyone in the room was busy watching the movie.  The first 15 minutes of the movie didn't show the presence of Nawazuddin anywhere.
"You sure, this is Nawazuddin Siddique's superhit movie," my cousin curiously enquired him.
"I think that actor is him," my brother was referring to a character that was heavily covered in makeup.
That character soon removed his clothes and the actress was lying naked on the bed. She beckoned him and the guy reached her bed.  He grabbed her from behind and cupped her succulent breasts.
"That's definitely not Nawazuddin!" One of my cousins said and shooed away all my young nephew and nieces to the other room. 
My brother forwarded the scenes and there were too many steamy racy sex scenes. He shut the DVD player and there was deafening silence for a few moments.
"Raghav!" my mother screamed at the top of her voice. She had clearly lost her cool. I jumped out of my bed and went to the main room. 
I saw shards of the DVD on the floor. My father had destroyed the DVD.
I saw raised eyebrows and few bemused pairs of eyes. I was caught in a fix! I knew I had to answer many questions.
"Ashwin, I will kill you the next time we meet!" I said to myself.
How embarrassing it is, I thought to myself as I confronted my parents in the other room while my cousins were busy discussing Nawazuddin's acting skills.

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Saturday, September 08, 2018

A Mighty Heart

heart to heart talk with an angry girlfriend

"Babe, things do happen for a reason," he muttered.
"Certainly," she said brusquely and continued, "But I can't forgive you every time."
"It takes a mighty heart to forgive people like you," she said, "Its time to break up."
"And thanks for forgiving me," he said.
"No, I have not!" she replied.
"Shut up! I am talking to your heart!" he replied.
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Thursday, September 15, 2016

Sharma Ji Ki Beti 3

Read Part 1 , Part 2
Bunty cried whole night thinking of his plight. For days, he drenched his bed with tears thinking about his Papa. Having an understanding mother was his lone strength. She was his support structure. 

"I'm still waiting for the day when I can be proud of my son. I don't see that day coming anytime soon." His Papa's words flashed on his mind. That couldn't let him sleep for days. He was clearly demotivated.
Years passed and he was in 12th Class now. It was an important phase of life for many students in India. Papa and Bunty were not in talking terms. This hurt Bunty immensely.

Tired of life, he even tried committing suicides several time.  But every time he thought of that, his twitter, facebook, snap chat and his mobile phone flashed in front of his eyes. One day while he was taking rest on his bed, he saw a tiny spider trying to reach the ceiling. 

That day he got reminded of a story that his grandmother told him when he was young. It was about a Scottish King named Robert Bruce who derived inspiration from a tiny spider trying to reach its cobweb at the roof.  Shattered and Hopeless, he tried of running away, but this spider motivated him for a new beginning and it taught  a great lesson to the King. Bunty's situation presently was no different than the King. He saw the tiny spider on his wall trying to reach the ceiling.

Curious, he saw the tiny spider moving slowly and gently. He used a magnifying glass to study its behaviour. The tiny spider caught the attention of Bunty and tried talking to him through telepathy. Bunty was amazed at first. "Oh Fuck! That's a talking Spider." Bunty freaked out.

"Hey Spider, inspire me please!" Bunty said.
The tiny spider showed  Bunty its middle finger and said, "Enjoy your life. Don't be serious. It's a trap. Don't pay heed to your Papa, Bunty!"

The tiny Spider seem to have been exhibiting its thug side very well. The tiny spider gave up when it couldn't reach the ceiling and left.
Even the tiny Spider could not inspire Bunty. Even a spider behaves like a thug, Bunty thought!
Shattered, Bunty switched on the TV to his favourite music  channel.
He lay on his bed and was immersed in his own train of thoughts.

Han yehi rasta hai tera, tune yeh jaana hai,
Haan yeh Sapna hai tera, tune pehchana hai,
Tujhe abh yeh dikhana hai,
Roke tujhko aandhiya, ya zameen aur aasman
Paayega jo Lakshya hai tera
Lakshya ko har haal mei paana hai

The lyrics of that song from the movie Lakshya , travelled deep into his veins and arteries. He got super motivated. He jumped from the bed and opened his books.  Bunty and his books were like the worst enemies. He touched his book only during his exams. If his books could speak, even it would have abused him badly for not touching it every day.

He took his Science Book and started with chapter 1 . He read the answers carefully and tried to understand the concept. This went on for days. Maa would give him Bournivita every night and Horlicks every morning. He religiously visited temples, churches, mosques and gurudwara's in his locality every day. He studied for 4 hours every night. Now his sole intention was to get one mark more than Sharma ji ki beti, Shalini Sharma. He wanted to win back his Papa's trust.

One Night at 3 AM, when Papa went to the washroom to attend nature's call, he realized that Bunty's room had its light on. He peeped in through the window and saw Bunty studying.  He couldn't believe his eyes at first. He rubbed his eyes with his fingers and pinched himself to confirm if it was Bunty or someone else. Yes, it was his son Bunty! He smiled and left for his room. Days passed and Bunty started studying for 6 to 8 hours every day. Every time his eyes closed, Shalini Sharma would appear in front of his eyes.
Bunty's board Exam days neared. He now started studying every day for 18 hours and slept only for 4 hours. He stayed away from social media and everything that could distract him. Finally, he gave his exams. All his papers went well sans Mathematics. Every day after exams, he used to look at Shalini Sharma and watch her reaction. She had Eureka moment every day. According to her friends, it seemed could get 100 marks in all her papers.
He almost gave up. Seeing her confidence of getting the first rank dimmed his hopes of impressing his Papa. He was clearly disappointed.
His holidays flew so fast just like the monsoons in Delhi. Bunty's Maa had immense faith in him. Finally, the result day had arrived. He logged into his laptop and launched the board exam results website.
The server was busy. After  refreshing the website 150 times, the moment arrived.

"98.8% marks.Congratulations!!" The message read.
Bunty's mother almost jumped from the seat. "I'm so proud of you, beta," she said,ruffling Bunty's hair.

His nervousness hiked. He started sweating profusely. It was Shalini Sharma's marks. He hadn't scored more than 65% in his entire school life. If he had to win his Papa's trust, then he should score more than 98.8%. He believed in Give your best, God will do the rest. 
His current situation was like that of an Indian Athlete trying to defeat Usain Bolt in the 100 metres race at the Olympics. 

"Maa, that's not my marks.  That's Sharma ji ki Beti's score," he told his mother.
"What about yours?" She asked curiously.
He entered his seat number in the text field and hit the submit button. The site was overloaded with too many requests. It was still loading and after 15 minutes, it got opened. Bunty and his mother joined their hands and remembered all the Gods from all religions.
Bunty opened his eyes and cried.
"Papa, I let you down again," he screeched.
He was sad for not scoring more than Shalini Sharma. She had secured the 1st rank in his school.
"97.5% Congratulations! " He read the message again. Bunty stood 2nd in his school but he was upset that he couldn't make his Papa happy. 

He wasn't happy for his own achievements.
"Maa, I got 97.5%!" he said, upset.
His Maa hugged him tight and said," All your hard work paid off!"
"But Papa won't be happy!" He cried.
Papa had come home early that day. Maa offered him a glass of Chaas.
Bunty went close to his Papa and sat next to him.
"Papa.." he said.

Papa was busy reading the newspaper.
They both never talked much  all these days.
"Papa..." he said again.
Papa looked at Bunty and asked, "Did you call me?"
"Papa, my 12th Std results are declared." Bunty said.
"Okay! Great! " Papa said.
"I scored 97.5% ,Papa!" Bunty said to his Papa.
"I am sorry , Papa!"  Tears welled in Bunty's eyes.
Papa looked at him. There was deafening silence for a moment.
"Come, here beta," he said.

Bunty obediently went close to his dad.
 Whenever his Papa called him, Bunty got beaten terribly. He expected something similar.


Bunty realized it was a dream. Papa had not slapped him.
Papa hugged him tight. "You've made me proud, Bunty!" Papa said and asked , "Mithai Nahi doge Papa ko?"
"But Papa, I'm sorry!" Bunty said.
"Why?" Papa asked.
"Sharma ji ki beti scored more than me," he said.
"It's okay!"he said and replied," Scoring 97.5% is a very big thing in life."
"You have proved me that you are the best." Papa was visibly happy.

"Sharma ji ki beti may have got more marks than you but you have given me extreme happiness today," Papa said.
"Mera Bunty Zarur Engineer Banega!" Papa announced.
Bunty looked at him helplessly and gave an animated smile, concealing all his dreams and ambitions within.

... To be continued.

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Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Even a Booty shake can Ruin ones life!

Many years ago, in the North Indian  town of Gaziabad, it was said that an angel appeared for the first time. Everyone must have heard of alien sighting but not angel sighting. The gorgeous angel had mesmerizing looks and her eyes were seraphic. At the same time, a little girl was born. Her family named her Jasbah. Jasbah, because they thought she would grow up and understand their feelings and make her proud. This little lady had big dreams in her eyes. She wanted to make it big.  

"Dekhna Chanda, mei badi hoke sabko apni Jasbah dikhaungi," she would say this often to her best friend Chanda, indicating that she wanted to be a big actress in Bollywood. 

With this vision of making something grand in the film industry, she started working hard. She used to take part in various plays and dramas during her school days. Years passed, Jasbah grew up gracefully to be the most beautiful woman in India. She earned small roles in various short films and a lead role in a popular TV daily soap. Everyone who saw her acting would tag her as the lady perfectionist and some used to call her Lady Aamir. Though she hails from a small town like Gaziabad, she made it big in Mumbai. Being a numero uno actress of the silver screen earned her a place in many fans heart. A Heartthrob of millions, she was!  Pretty Looking, slim and slender, furrowed brows were some of the most riveting features of her body. Every time she smiled there were millions who smiled with her. That was the impact and the power of her smile. She could do every thing on earth. She could dance, act, sing and what not. Such a versatile personality she was! A very few knew her by her real name. She was fondly called as the 'Pyari Bahu' in the Tele world where she plays the role of Divyanka who happens to be the lead protagonist of the TV show. It has been nominated for the 'Best TV Soap' category at the Annual Tele Awards for 2016. To add feather to its cap, Jasbah was nominated for the 'Best Actress' category. Her happiness hiked to a new level when the show producer called her and informed this!  It is said that great personalities are often jinxed and so was Jasbah. She was nominated for 12 times for the Best Actress Award at several award ceremonies but everytime she had to return empty handed. Due to this she even earned the nick name of 'Leo' of  Indian Television Industry as actor Leonardo Caprio had to wait 7 times before he won the prestigious academy award. She would remain upset most of the times but bettered with every performance.
This year she was sure that she would grab the award after her 13th Nomination.

"Pyari Bahu rocks!" She often used to say this.
The Award function was about to take place today at 7 PM.
After 2.5 hours of make up, she waited for the clock to struck 6. As the clock struck 6, she revealed her look to her family. They all liked it. She was dressed in gossamer fine, red garment, which was embroidered with gold, and jeweled butterflies and other ornaments adorned her lustrous black hair. She was wearing precious gems in her ears, and her arms and wrists were covered with bracelets, while a golden band encircled her slender waist and anklets of gold shined on her feet.She had the 'pyari bahu' look in her.  She entered the venue at 6.30 PM and posed for the shutterbugs. Many Bollywood celebrities could be seen. A famous TV paparazzi caught her attention and asked her," So, 13th time today? Are you gonna be lucky?"

"Fuck Yeah! 13th time, Jasbah gonna show her Jasbah today! I will be victorious," she said and walked away.

The venue was festooned with bright colors and one could see MahaRoof Khan, Bhumitabh Sacchan, Kakshay Kumar and many famous celebrities seated on the front row. As she walked inside, Balman Khan, fondly called as Balma Bhai of Bollywood hugged Jasbah. Balma Bhai was fond of shooting and whenever he meandered in the jungle , the deers would never venture out because of him. Such was the power of his man! Because of Balman Khan, she bagged his first role as an actress opposite Balman Khan himself.

Soundarya Rai Sachhan greeted Jasbah on her way.  Jignes Paul and Neel Kant were the anchors for the night . A 10,000 people witnessed the award function. Awards were distributed from the word 'go' itself. Few dance performances graced the event.
"Ahh, so its the time to announce the list gorgeous ladies in the Tele industry who made it to the final nomination for the Best Actress category," Jignes Paul said.
"The Nominees are,
1."Divya Patel" for "Sasu Maa".
2."Tapasiya Sen" for "Upkaran"
3."Jasbah Khan for "Pyari Bahu"
4."Sejal Trivedi" for "Sanskriti"
5."Deepika Choudhary" for "Aasha Kiran"
The hosts announced the nominees names.
"We would like to invite Mr.Bishi Kapoor and Mr. Barun Dhawan to present the award," Jignes Paul announced.

"And the best actress award goes to......." Mr.Bishi Kapoor winked.
"Any guesses, guys," Barun asked.
Meanwhile all the actresses were nervous and Jasbah didn't want to be left alone. Every time her name was announced as nomination, her heartbeat hiked zillion times. She only earned disappointment.

"And the best actress is Jasbah Khan  for  Pyari Bahu," announced Mr .Bishi Kapoor who was also known as Pintu baba in Bollywood.
Everyone cheered for her. She stood there agape.She couldn't believe her own ears. She pinched her thrice to confirm if this wasn't a dream.

She was visibly excited as it was for the first time she was blessed with the Golden Girl. She walked up on the stage and hugged both Bishi Kapoor and Barun Dhawan. She couldn't control  her emotions and tears welled in her eyes.
"Toh Jasbah ji aakhir mei Jasbah dikha hi di," Jignes Paul said to Jasbah Khan.
Jasbah smiled at him and winked. Her happiness today knew no boundaries.
"Firstly!" she started. 

She turned behind with her back facing the 10000 audiences and twerked her butt. It was popularly called as the booty shake in the western world. She expressed her emotions by performing this pelvic thrust step.

Maharoof Khan and Bhamitabh Sachhan was busy discussing  about their next film and they remained stunned as they saw Jasbah's booty shake. The crowd went berserk and asked for once more.   She smiled and went on to continue with her speech.
"Thanks Jasbah!" Jignes Paul said brusquely, still not believing what he just saw.

She was delighted  for winning her first award. Poor thing never knew that a major shock awaited her for her booty shake.

She was a student of Sandeep Sir who taught her most of the dance forms .Apart from Booty shake ,she could even perform Cat  dance, Nageen  dance, Rain dance, Ganpati Dance  and Mithun da's trademark Pelvic thrust. She owed 1/4th of her success  to Sandeep Malan sir.
Outside she was girdled by a bunch of News Reporters. She never realized what she'd done was wrong. Her joy was at the peak and her butts reacted leading to the booty shake.
"Jasbah, aakhir mei aapne jeet hi li, kaise feel kar rahe ho?" asked a news reporter from Kabh Tak.
"Feelin Good. Top of the World!" Jasbah replied.

"Bohot Khushi mehsus kar rahi hu aaj," she replied to another reporters question.
She was tired when she arrived at her home. She was expecting a grand reception at home. But the scene at home was totally different.

Her entire family was glued to Headlines Everyday News channel.
"Actress Jasbah's butt don't lie as she does a booty shake  after receiving award, " said Shravan Kumar,the news presenter of the Headlines Everyday Channel.
She grabbed the remote from her mother and switched to Times Wow.

"We have Andrew Atkins, professor for Human Behavior, Miss Shobha Le, an author and Miss Shradha Sengupta, a famous Physchologist with us at our studio today. Do you think that is how a person would react after getting overwhelmed," Pranab Goswami,the Chief Editor of Times Wow asked the experts.

"Well Pranab , a person is responsible for  their actions.For control is essential for a person. One would know how to control her emotions and feelings at a bigger spectrum. In a country like India , I'm seeing this for the first time where culture has utmost importance than anything else. Being an American, this has happened many times in US..Even I, myself love doing booty shake,"  Prof. Andrew Atkins said.

"Whats your views, Miss Shobha Le?" Pranab asked the author.
"We live in a liberal society? A person is free to do anything. Why create a fuss of it? " She replied.

Meanwhile the channel was busy showing the booty shake of Jasbah Khan  repeatedly.
"Andrew, but how could one forget her culture and traditions while you are receiving an award at a stage in front of Senior actors and many people. Where is our culture and tradition ?,"Miss Sengupta expressed her views.

"Where is our culture and tradition in Jasbah Khan's Booty shake?" Pranab Goswami asked and continued, " The  Nation wants to know. India wants to know!"
"At this time, we are heading for a break , You can tweet us using #JasbahsBootyShake on Twitter." He said.

She quickly logged into Twitter and saw that her Notification tab was bombarded with over 2 lakhs notifications. She has 16 lakh new followers within 3 hours. She saw that she was trending on Twitter.
"#JasbahsBootyShake" was leading the trend followed by #JasbahButtsDontLie and #BootyShake and #AnnualTeleAwards.
She was frustrated.

"Guys, never get me wrong. I feel embarrassed. Don't make me famous for wrong reasons. Pls." She tweeted. Within 30 seconds, her tweet was retweeted 1000 times and liked by 1300 people.
"Just coming, Jasbah tweets asking not to get her booty shake wrong." Pranab Goswami announced.
"Andrew, why don't you teach me little bit of this booty shake?" Shradha Sengupta requested Prof. Andrew Atkins and winked.

"Go and ask Jasbah Khan. She does it better than me." He laughed and continued, "I got no ambitions of trending in twitter in English , Hindi, Gujarati and Tamil..all at a same time." The entire guests laughed to Andrew Atkin's remark
She switched on to some Hindi channels and there the case was even worse.
"Aakhir mei Jasbah Khan ne Award manch pe Dikha di apni Jasbah!" the News Presenter from Kabh Tak News channel announced.

Few channels were asking viewers opinion in form of poll sms.
"Do you think Jasbah was correct in doing that Booty Shake?"
"If your answer is Yes ,sms Yes to 5555 else sms No to 5555."
Jasbah was already pissed off . Her whatsapp notifications crossed 1200 unread messages and she was constantly getting calls from News channels and her friends. In order to avoid further embarassment , she switched off her cell phone.
She was crying the whole night for that booty shake.

"How am I supposed to express my joy ?" She asked  herself and cried.
She spent a sleepless night and learned that some twitterattis had taken to abusing and passing gross comments about her and her butt dance. She was tired of blocking people.
The next morning when she woke up , even the newspapers didn't spare her.

"Pyari Bahu's Booty shakes well at Annual Tele Awards '16."Mumbai times front page headlines read with the photo of Jasbah Khan.

Her producers had called her to inform that she had been removed from the show due to media hype about her booty shake.

Balman Khan's manager contacted her and informed her that she had been scrapped from the Project.

" God,I never knew my butts would land me in so much trouble ," she said looking at the award, the golden girl.

She was not given preferences in any Teleserials, movies was out of question. She used to get small assignments in Bhojpuri movies.
She cursed herself for ruining her own career.

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Saturday, September 10, 2016

The Modified Software Bug Cycle

The other day I and my friends were discussing a bug that stormed into the application and didn't plan to leave it soon. So during the spare time at tea,  we decided to haunt the regular bug cycle. How about altering it and just have some fun. Let's tweak in the Agile Testing Process.
It goes like ...
Tester Logs a  High severity , High priority Bug - 
"Bug 999 - Exception occurs and Application hangs on clicking Submit button at SEZ 1 location at Tea Time."
The Bug goes through a series of procedures like the Review Cycle where a group of senior Pundits from the Agile and the Product Development team review the defect. The defect gets a clean chit and it goes to the Product Development team Lead's plate.
The Dev Lead assigns the Bug to the Developer. 
The Developer investigates the bug. That seems to be the most challenging bug. The entire team brainstorms and indicate that it requires a high-level design change. The Design Lead and the Product Owners are roped into the scene. They all work together and come up with a plan. 
The Developer fixes the issue as per the new design. 
He updates the defect with the below comment.
"Issue fixed. For the Impacted Areas, the bug should be tested at Lunch time and Dinner time  and from Sez 1 and Sez 2. Testing at Onsite should be taken care by them once they face the issue.This bug also needs to be tested during Work From Home and during National Holidays."
The Project Manager updates the defect.
"Testing to be done from onshore too. The Onsite QA Team is notified about this defect."
Two days later the Onsite QA Lead comments on the bug.
"Defect is invalid. Who works at tea time? We never work at tea time."
Another QA from the defect logger's team   consults the developer and asks him why breakfast time is not mentioned in the Impact Analysis testing.
"You guys come at 1 PM for stand up and who will test it for the breakfast scenario," The developer replies angrily.
"But still," the QA snaps.
"No But, no If's. Who will come early to test that ?" The developer retorts and displays his animosity by rapidly typing serialisation code that he was working on. He had spent several nights at the office working on this defect. His frustration and anger were visible.
Angrily, he bangs his hand on his desk and glares at the QA.
He then updates the defect and assigns it to the QA who logged the defect.

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Thursday, September 08, 2016

Sharma Ji ki Beti -2

Continued from Sharma Ji ki Beti 1. Read here 

It was a Balmy Friday afternoon.  Bunty and friends came out of the Exam hall. It was their Class 10 Semester Exams. Bunty was highly confident that he would pass the Mathematics exam with flying colours.  While Bunty was reminiscing his not so glorious past encounters with his Papa, his friends were busy discussing the Question Papers. That was when Bunty overheard the Q. 3 A Answer. 
"Dude, is the answer 45.9 degrees?" Bunty confirmed the answer with one of his friend in the group. 
"No, Bunty!" he riposted. "It is 60. I hope you calculated Tan value for it,"he added.
"I messed it up," Bunty said, his face visibly upset.  
"And for Q.1 D? Tell me Suresh had 29 balls?" Bunty asked his group.
"Naa, Suresh had 2 balls," One of the guy said and it was a laughter riot.
"Bunty,  he had 47 balls," The same friend replied and continued, "It's a basic probability formula." 
Bunty believed that those two were relatively the most easiest Questions that was ever asked. He was sure that he would be scoring full marks for those particular questions. But still, none of his answers was close to what his friends said.  His confidence was now  dimming just like the sinking evening sun. Before discussing the question paper, he summed up his attempted questions and it came out to be around 60. But after discussing , his attempted questions summed out to be around 27. 
"All I could manage is  just fucking 27." He slapped his forehead.
He thoroughly went through the question paper and mentally added few points for steps and got his imaginary score to 35. 
"35. That's what I need. Else I am going to die at my Home. " He said to himself.
Weeks passed and various types of rumours made rounds in the class. One of the guys informed the class that 95 % of the class has failed in Mathematics.  While the other news making round was that Sharma was the only girl in the class to pass and that too a mere "Just Pass"
Bunty was getting anxious day by day. With each passing day, he spent sleepless nights at home.  Those days he sincerely prayed to Lord Shiva and turned more religious. His Parents were shocked. He just wanted 35 marks and nothing more or nothing less than that. 
Two weeks later, the Teacher ceremoniously walked inside the classroom. Placing the answer sheet on the desk, she quickly scanned the entire classroom. She asked the Class Prefect to distribute the Answer sheets. 
"Rajeev 12 marks " he announced and an extremely embarrassed Rajeev came to collect the mark sheet.
"Anamika 18 marks "
"Mangu 8 marks "
"Raghav 23 marks "
"Shalini 24 marks" The Prefect announced. A pair of bemused eyes looked at each other, perplexed. They couldn't believe their ears when the class Perfect announced her marks. Tears streamed down her cheeks copiously. 
"It is impossible," she uttered  and like a crazy woman, she started counting her marks meticulously. 
"Bunty 32 marks, the class topper" Bunty's heart almost stopped beating when the Class Prefect announced his marks. 
"Congratulations Bunty, you get some consolation," the teacher said and laughed. 
That day he felt cheated. He religiously visited every Temple, Church , Mosque and Gurudwara in his neighbourhood just for 35 marks. He felt that even the Gods didn't want him to pass. His mind was etching a concrete plan to confront Papa. But that day Papa had come home early. 
Bunty quickly rushed inside his room and changed his clothes. He, like an obedient pupil, started solving Mathematics problems. Papa stormed into his room. His Maa followed him inside. 
"Is it raining outside?"Papa jokingly asked to which his wife replied, "Naa Jii."
"Your Son has a book on his hands...It has to rain," He continued and laughed.
Papa sat next to Bunty and had a sip of chai. He cleared his throat and asked him," SO how are studies, beta?"
"Papa, I got to know my marks today." Bunty murmured. 
"But before I say my marks, I got to give a news to you," he added.
"What is the news? Did you Pass or what?" Papa asked.
"Sharma Ji ki Beti fail ho gayi, Papa," Bunty said.
"Achha beta," Papa riposted.
"She only got 24 marks," Bunty said and smiled.
"I can't believe. " Papa replied.
"So how does it matters to me?" Papa took a sip of chai and continued, "As if I really care about Sharma Ji ki beti." 
Papa was a big time hypocrite, Bunty thought. He was unpredictable that day. Bunty realised that Papa was in a good mood.
"How much marks did you get, Bunty?" Papa asked curiously.
"Papa I topped," Bunty said to which Papa patted his shoulder and appreciated him. His Maa joined her hands and thanked Almighty.
"How much marks?" Papa asked.
"32," Bunty replied. There was deafening silence for a moment.  Papa looked at Maa and asked, "100 ka passing marks Kitna hai?"
"Ji 35," Maa replied to her husband.
Even she realized that even the Gods won't be able to save her son from getting beaten.
"So you managed to top the paper and still failed the exam, right, Bunty?" Papa asked.
"Ohh yeaahhhhhhh...Pa Paaa Paaaaa PaaaaaaaaPa," Bunty replied.


Bunty fell down from the bed. It felt like as if an earthquake of  Richter 7.5 had struck him hard. "
He lay down and helplessly looked at his Maa. Papa glared at him. Bunty's Maa joined her hands and asked him to forgive Bunty. 
"I'm waiting for the day when Bunty would Pass." Papa said to Maa and continued, "That day is never going to come..." He soon left his room.
He lost all his faith in Bunty. Maa helped Bunty to stand up and asked him," Why had you lied that you topped the class?" 
"Maa, trust me, I really topped the class.." he replied.
"And still failed ?" Maa asked, bewildered.

..To be Continued..

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Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Excuse me, Aunty!

Image Source 
I swiped the Metro Card at the Entrance, excused myself and ran towards the platform. I was getting late for the college. I started panting heavily as I climbed the escalator.  
I accidentally brushed against a plump woman as I ran upwards.
"Sorry Aunty," I said , pointing my finger towards the metro train. It seemed it was waiting for me. I squeezed myself onto the  metro train . It was an adventurous journey I thought. 

I discovered a seat next to an old man. I quickly seized  it. The fat uncle gave me a disgusting look as if his daughter eloped with me. I glanced across the train and my eyes came across a woman.She was unknown to me but she looked familiar. I was trying hard to recollect but my poor memory betrayed me. I failed to recognize her. I looked at her and she smiled at me in return. I thought of striking a conversation with her but it was weird talking to strangers and was against my principles. 

Finally,  I mustered enough courage and thought of conversing with her.
I cleared my throat and said, "Excuse me, Aunty!"  My voice was so loud that even people from the adjacent bogie looked at me. 

"Me?" she asked me.
"Yes, Aunty!" I smiled at her.
"Come and have a seat," I said and offered her my seat.
She walked towards me and gave me a tight slap on my face. For a moment, all eyes were glued on me. 
She got furious and slapped me once again. 
I stood there speechless. I had no inkling of what was happening  and why I deserved her animosity. For a moment, people started chitchatting about this. Some college girls even laughed  looking at me.
"Aunty , stop!" I uttered.
She slapped me again.
"You are Rahul, right?" she confirmed
"Yes, Rahul Kapoor." 
"From DJ Sanghvi Engineering College, right?"  she confirmed again.
"Second Year B.E Electronics, right?" She asked.
"Division B, right?" She asked.
"yes, right."
"And I look like an Aunty to you, right?" She got  vexed.
She sat on my seat and I looked downwards waiting for our stop. It was embarrassing for me.
She was my classmate, Eshita Saxena.  How would I know? I attended the introduction lecture and never  sat for any class. My own eyes betrayed me.  I wish I could tell her  - "This is between you and me , Okay?"  But my poor cheeks  were not ready for another slap. 
I never looked at her again though she glared at me. 

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Monday, June 08, 2015

My Nose knows! Sniff Sniff

After surviving my Engineering years , I now realize that my nose too survived. 'Survived' is a word too small as compared to the type of smells and stinks that my nose got hold of. Thanks to the Mumbai local commuters of the second class bogie and the Indian railways. I don't know how to thank them enough for sharpening my olfactory organ's function. My brain would rejoice. I would have served the Mumbai police better than the sniffer dogs. Hah! Of course I am kidding. 

Every day when I stood there at the Kurla Railway station ( the Filthiest ever in Mumbai) exhibiting my innocent face, a thousand thoughts wandered across my mind. I never had any issues with boarding the jam packed bogie. No, I never had! Of course all  I had to do was to stand in middle  between the crowds consisting of the stocky men with unwashed craggy faces and tobacco stained teeth who  would automatically ferry you inside the train free of cost.  What perturbed me was how I could sustain the 30 minutes train journey. Being squeezed inside the train was not a matter of concern. What mattered the most was how would my nose react to the smell of the sweaty arm pits and unbrushed teeth and bad breath of my fellow passengers. Bad Odor, in fact very bad!  I realize that not much damage must have been caused in Japan when America bombed  it during the WW2 than what I faced everyday during my Engineering days where I had to travel by the Mumbai local. A guy from the other corner of the bogey would pass a silent fart. Purrr....  some less audible and some like sound of a cracker that is burst during Diwali.  Their fart would be so powerful that it will reveal what they ate the other evening. No, if you are thinking that I am a fart analyzer then you are wrong. I only analyze software quality. :D Trust me! 

Taken from Google Images

Everyone would stand there displaying their puppy faces. No one would ever react to it. If someone did then the ACP Pradhyumans and the Dayas travelling inside the train would look at them suspiciously. And squeezed between the crowd I would helplessly try to move my hands to clip my nose. But all my attempts to do that would eventually remain futile. Out of frustration I would bury my face on the back of the guy standing in front of me.  'Oh God! Some guy farted,' The guy standing besides me would mumble. 

"Why did you eat Potatoes last night?" I would want to ask the guy who farted. But sadly that was not in my nature. I would roll my eyes and look around. At the same time a guy would ask me - 'Bhaiyya,  agla station Vashi hai?'  
While doing so he would get his arm pit  close to the area around my nose.  Oh no! Don't! I would want to scream. 

"Haa!" I would say with a straight face.  A group of small miniature birds would parade around my  head when the train reached Juinagar. That was the time when most of the stinky nasty smelling dudes would get down. A silent tears of happiness would copiously roll down my sweaty cheeks when I get down at the Nerul that shelters my Engineering college. I would want to do a pelvic thrust like legendary Mithun Daa. Of course, I never wanted to be the apple of all eyes  so I would refrain from inviting any kind of unwanted attentions.

For four years in my Engineering college, I also served the role of being the love guru. Guys knocked my doors to seek love ideas. Of course, I was adept at giving nice ideas. One day a dude from the Electronics department asked me for some love tips. I gave him some nice idea but the very next day he came running towards me like he was going to bash me. I investigated and learned what exactly happened.  I realized that he belonged to that  league of dudes who showered once in a week in a city like Mumbai that is cursed by the Sun dearest. I took him for a stroll and advised him to shower everyday, brush twice a day and use a nice deodorant. He snapped back and showed me a very ugly look. What! Hah! Dude, be clean! Bad Odors are a big turn offs.

The irony was that being the love guru I never had any girlfriends. Oh yeah! all the girls whom I eyed  were already taken. The grapes are sour! 

 You might be wondering how I know all this. Well, my nose knows everything! :P 

Trust me! Sniff Sniff

 “I am sharing my odour story for the ‘My Nose Knows’ contest as a part of the #SniffSniff activity at BlogAdda.

Saturday, April 04, 2015

Different Types of Drivers

Driving is something that helps us to travel from one place to another. it is an integral part of life. Very often when we travel outside we meet people who often amaze us with their behavior or wit or sense of humor. In this blog post, I am going to talk about the different kind of drivers I have interacted or traveled with. Trust me some of them are darn annoying and sometimes I would just want to get out of the car. While some of them are kind enough to understand our problem. Without much ado, here we go.

1. The Garrulous 
They are the talkative ones. Their mouth won't stop talking while they are driving. They love to interact with their co-travelers or their passengers irrespective of whether they are interested in the conversation or not. I met an old Sardar while I was in Delhi 4 years ago. I had to travel to CP so I hailed a Taxi from Noida Sec 55 and then I realized that I had to meet this old man. He was unstoppable like a Radio Jockey. He spoke from Politics to Bollywood and took the conversation to Agriculture and Punjab, his hometown. I was like someone stop this guy. My instant response to all his statements would be - Achha, Oh, Okay, Thik hai, Achha  Aise hua.  Of course, I didn't want to hurt him. But I also didn't want to sound rude to him. That's not  my nature!  But there are many who often get annoyed because of such drivers. They might be flawless, but they are just nonstoppable. Talks related to Destination and travel are fine but senseless and baseless discussions really don't make sense and that too with a stranger whom you are meeting for the first time!

2. The Schumacher
The second breed of drivers I'm talking about are the interesting ones. While traveling with them, it is necessary to wear a seat belt. Of course would you like to risk your own life? They will zig-zag through any traffic and reach  your destination within minimal time.  They will travel at 60 km/hr and above and they won't even care about your safety. They are super fast. Only the Formula 1 drivers drive that fast! Sometimes I would appreciate them but sometimes its just too much. What if you lose control and crash up and end up killing a poor street kid or a pedestrian trying to cross the road.

3. The Kind ones
These drivers are very kind. They would talk only when it is needed. They are diligent and they would honestly do their work. They won't unnecessarily open their mouth and talk. They will do their best to give a hassle free travel experience to you.  I like such kind of drivers. They are really kind though I have seldom  met such drivers

4. The Abusers.
I can't stand such drivers. They will abuse the pedestrians mouthing bad words based on the person's mother and sisters even if it's their mistake. They are annoying. Though they might be adept at their driving skills but too much anger is not good. Probably they should enroll for Anger management classes.
Once I traveled with one such guy. A girl came in front of the car. She was talking on the phone and this guy  had to brake to a sudden halt. 
"Hey Chori, Jaan Pyaari hai ya Phone!" He yelled at her
Translation - Hey girl, Is your life precious our phone!

I agree that  the girl was at fault, but one should learn to respect the other  gender too!

"Abey Ghar pe bolke aaya hai kya!" is another popular statement of such drivers. These words are usually said by Lorry drivers. Thanks for Bollywood movies :P

Translation - Hey, Already informed your home or what?

5.  The Obedient 
The Obedient drivers would politely listen to you and will wait for your directions  on which route to go and all! They are very much like the kind ones!

6. The Slug
Some drivers love their car so much that they would not want any kinds of a dent on their vehicle. They would drive slowly at their own comfort.  They won't care about their passengers. If your journey was to be completed in 15 minutes then with the Slug drivers it would take 45 minutes.

7. The Rules-man
He would follow all the traffic rules. He would ask his  front seat passenger to wear his seat belt. He would politely ask his passengers seated behind not to put their hands outside. He would look at the  three mirrors - left, right and rear view mirror. He is a nice guy just that he sometimes would seem like a traffic instructor to you more than a driver

8. The Singer
These kind of drivers would not stop singing their favorite songs while driving. Of course, not all the singers have a nice voice. What if they have a croaky voice. Travel with them at your own risk :P They might hurt your ear drums. :P But some of them have really good voice and they should try their  hands  voice  at Indian Idol 

9. The Musicians
They are much like the singers just that the Musicians play loud music especially the old Bollywood songs of 90's era. It's fine to play songs, but too loud songs might contribute to noise pollution. Even Justice Arnab Goswami  would feel jealous of him. 

10. The Single Lane Driver
They would drive on a single lane - no matter what. They do not drive left nor right. The right lane is for driving according to them! They will just not move their vehicle sideways! Bloody Annoying guys!

11. The Funny Ones
The Funny ones! They crack hilarious jokes while driving and would prove as a good source of entertainments for the passenger. They would tickle your funny bones! 

12. The Other way guy
These drivers would claim they have a short cut for a road and, unfortunately, their shortcut itself turns out to be longer than the normal path. They would try their best to divert the minds of the passengers especially the ones who  have never traveled to that place before. You would see such guys standing outside bus and railway stations. I once encountered such guy outside Delhi Railway station and he asked me 650 bucks for a distance of 10 km  thinking of me to be a newcomer. His face almost turned small when I said that I was a local and it usually doesn't take more than 150. 

13. The Conscious
They  would always have this serious and a conscious look on their face. At times, it would feel like you  have to soothe and provide solace to them. You might even try your luck to boost their confidence. They might be a good driver, but somewhere their conscious look on their face will pose several questions on your mind.

14. The Love Birds
These are the kinds who won't stop showing their affection while driving. They are usually couples  - married, bf - gf  or lovers and so on. They would simply want to show the world that their love is unbeatable even when it comes  outside home! Yo - Couples!

15. Over Takers
They love overtaking other cars and they love doing that. Of course, they would consider themselves as a skilled driver. Driving would them would be fun at times! Again at your own risk :P And yes sometimes you might break into a very dangerous casualty! Sigh!

16. The Hungry Ones
They are the ones who always eat while they are driving. Their taste buds are hyperactive and hence they always demand food  forever. 

17. The Rules Breaker
They are the ones who usually scan around at road junctions to look for the traffic police. If they can 't find any of them then they would easily race ahead irrespective if the traffic light shows red! They love playing with danger and if found guilty of breaking traffic rules then they might invite huge penalties. Play safe with the big boys, mate!

18. The Social Media Frenzy
These are the ones who update their Facebook Status, Retweet a tweet or  text a dear friend or talk to a best friend on the phone while driving. Sometimes, a loss in focus could lead to dreadful situations even impacting life.

Be it any kind of drivers but they are essential entities in today's life. If you  don't have your own vehicle then it becomes obligatory to avail  service of cab drivers especially if Public transport hurts you. At a time when people like me  who often gets confused between application of brakes and clutch, drivers play an important role. 
And now I am this kind of driver who  has hardly touched the steering and  I literally suck when it comes to driving. Yes, The below guy is me! :D 

So, from the above list - What kind of driver are you? If you would like me to add a bit more kinds then do let me know in the comment section :) 
This is shared with A to Z Blogging Challenge 2015
PS - All the Images have been taken from Google Images. 


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