Monday, February 12, 2018

When the sun stopped shining..

When the sun stopped shining..
The voice of silence speaks thousand unheard stories filled with pain and melancholia.  When one day the heart that beats for no reason comes to a halt, dreams collapse, shatter and get butchered.  That time, when the world speaks good and forgets everything.  I've seen it all.   When tears dominate the cries and the pain as the beloved treads through the dark roads to their heavenly abode. 

I've sauntered along the eerie roads of my life in the past few years. The pain in my heart began to excruciate as I saw my beloved sibling in pain. With each growing day, the fear of seeing something unexpected and uncalled put me to test.  Our world, she was! How will our world seem if she had to leave us all alone? For ages, I shed my tears on my bed thinking about the destiny that was written in her fate. My mother cried every day thinking about her daughter's future and my father grew weak thinking about her princess who was soon to fade.

A beautiful nest it was a castle of a  king who wanted to fill it with joy and mirth.  Like cheerfully warbling birds, the little princess, and her prince brother sailed through the ocean of life that dared to threaten them with too much pain in future. Those days, things were different. There was no pain and not even a word of melancholia. Life was different and not even a single iota of gloominess crept in. 
Her tiny little eyes captured my attention when I held her in my soft little 6-year-old arms.  It was the most precious moment in my life to hold my precious little. I thanked almighty for giving me the most important gift of my life. I promised her that I will take care of her and give her everything that she desires. Mum, Dad, and her Brother comprised her tiny little world.  Life was awesome until one day when the world turned upside down.  Soon, brightness faded into dark and joy turned to sadness. Within no time, the happy castle in the kingdom collapsed shattering dreams and happiness of 4 like-minded individuals who lived for each other.  Soon tears flooded the remains of the happy castle where they sought solace.  The happy face of the princess soon turned sad. She lost her smile as she suffered. Lord had punished the tiny little being by gifting her something that she never demanded or asked for. The Lord God gave her a disease that even the doctors were not aware of nor the medical fraternity was! A disease that had no cure nor solution was what destined to her! Every night she wept thinking about her lost future and forbidden happiness.  Years passed, the King, Queen and the Prince took care of their baby princess like she was their precious jewel. Indeed, she was precious! Even deep drowned into depression, they never let her stay sad. Such was their love for each other.  Days grew into night and months grew into years and the princess's condition deteriorated. 
For no reason, the almighty decided to take her with him and that was the day when the sun stopped shining for us. I lost my beloved sister, my mom and my dad lost their only princess.  How cruel can God be?

Our small little world became meaningless and the void left by my little sister haunts us.  Why she had to leave the world at a tender age? They say that we all are living in the hell and she had gone for a better place in the kingdom of God. How can she be happy there when her world was here? Will my mother and father ever get a beautiful little daughter again? There are so unanswered questions in my life.

The only word I hear is to stay strong. How can one stay strong when you broken? I look at myself and reflect on the past few years of my life and I have come to a realization that I have lost more than I actually gained. 

Sigh! Even if the sky comes falling down and the Earth shatter and the Volcano erupts, my love for my little sister will never shrink and she will always be there in my mind and soul as one of my best person in my life. I miss her and her voice haunts me.  I am always proud of her. Though she isn't around, but she is always in our mind and she will always be a part of our life.  I will never forgive the almighty for taking our precious princess from our life at a tender age and defeating us three and making our life meaningless. 

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Thursday, January 04, 2018

Does he know a mothers heart?

Does he know  a mothers heart?
I dedicate this blog post to all the unfortunate mothers like my mother who had a child battling a terminal illness and eventually saw them fade away in front of their own eyes.

Life is cruel and the cruelty factor just hiked for our family since the last few years. Post-2010, life had veered out drastically.  For a person like me, I tag a mother next to God. She is the one who has sheltered and nurtured us and got us safely in this world. Her duties don't stop there!  The bond between a mother and her baby is the strongest bond. It is the purest bond.  She constructs a world full of dreams for her baby as soon as it develops within her womb. It gives her extreme happiness! Such is the feeling of being a mother.  Mother is the one who knows her child more than anyone. She knows her child 9 months more than anyone could. Such is the specialty of this mother-child bond.

I always remember mother saying me that she wanted to give a better quality of life to both her children.  Being the older child, I knew my parent's sacrifices. I have seen their pains and everything they did for me and my little sister.  They traded their happiness for our happiness. They never lived a moment for themselves. Such is their unconditional love for their children.  They always put their children first. My mother too had a dream.  Anu, my little sister was the ultimate gift of life to them. They always wanted a daughter and 6 years after I was born, God listened to their prayers and fulfilled their wish. Anu was the most adorable and doting daughter for my parents. They loved her more than anyone would. They would literally do anything for her for her happiness. 

Being an older sibling, I adored my sister and would do anything for.  I would help her with her homework and projects.  Mother worked as a teacher and after returning back home from work, she would sit with my little sister and help her with her studies. My sister was weak at studies and smart at everything else.  Mother was strict when it comes to studies. But both my parents were partial to her as she was a weak child. Once, when she was young, Mum thrashed her as she scored low in one of the exams. She caught the fever for a week. Dad was very angry then and he told her that no one in this house would raise their hands on her ever again. She was exempted when it came to studies. But as she grew up, she developed interests in designing and was hyper creative. She was good at arts, crochet, teaching and what not. She was super skilled and everyone in the family used to be proud of her. She was the cute little cousin of all the older cousins.  Everyone was fond of her. She was blessed with beauty.  
God was cruel when it came to our family. Our happiness was nipped in the bud. In March 2012, my little sister was diagnosed with a rare disease of the lungs called Primary Pulmonary Hypertension (PH). It has no cure and could be controlled by medications only to some extent. After some point in time, even the medications would stop responding. Such is the intensity of this disease. Life was indeed cruel.  It shifted different gears and of a sudden.  Like all mothers, even my mother had dreams for her daughter that she would be well educated and she would get her married to a good house. But we witnessed all those dreams fading away as we heard this news. I worked in Delhi then and I still remember researching on the internet about this disease. I thought it was a nightmare because whatever I read on the internet about this disease was depressing and heartbreaking. It disheartened me! I couldn't sleep for days and the very thought of my sister inflicted with this disease killed me from within.  Mother and Father were heartbroken. How will parents react if they come to know that their only daughter, their princess, had a terminal disease that had no cure?  From that day on, we started living for her. We wanted to see her happy. Despite having this illness, she excelled at her studies. She did her BA in Geography, MA in History, Fashion Designing, Computer Education Certifications and ECCEd course.  She always aspired to be a fashion designer since her childhood days and that could be witnessed in her notebooks where she would randomly scribble croquis and designs.  She loved art and crochet. She would flood her facebook with her creative artwork. All my friends knew about her artwork and appreciated her creative skills. 

PH is a progressive disease. She battled this illness but eventually, the disease progressed and right ventricle failure developed. This added more to her sufferings. This disease internally affects the person though others may perceive you as a normal person.  The only last option for these kind of diseases are transplants. The doctor had recommended lung transplant for her and we were ready for this too! But things don't happen as we expect it. I was posted at my US office.  I came back in the month of December for my Visa extension. It was an unexpected Official trip to India. When my trip to October got canceled, my sister was the most disappointed. After that, I was supposed to go back home in the month of June 2018. But I got to meet her during her last days. Our world became meaningless and our struggles and sufferings for our princess became valueless on 21st December 2017 when our princess became Gods favorite. She always believed in almighty good.  When we cleaned her shelves, we discovered her letters to god where she wrote about her pain and her disease. Those letters were full of hope and she believed in miracles.  Maybe God could no longer see her beloved daughter suffer and he took her at a tender age of 24.  She was innocent, kind and generous. She loved kids and her loss came as a shock for many of our relatives.  We only informed about her illness to a handful of close people. My sister was a braveheart and a strong-willed girl full of confidence. She detested people showing sympathy and look at her in pity. That was something that would bring her down and destroy her happiness.  
You don't know how difficult it is to live in a pain seeing your loved one's absence.  I have seen her a day old baby and held her in my arms. I have fond memories attached to her. I can't imagine a life without my little sister, our princess. It has been a painful journey for her and I just pray to God that he keeps her happy. He never listened to her prayers or read any of her letters but I just hope he gives her all the happiness that she deserves. May she be a guiding angel for us three and shield our family.  Many consoled me by saying be strong but being strong during the moment of melancholia is the most difficult thing. 

Mom is the most affected because of her heavenly abode!  I have been away from the family most of the time due to studies and work. Sister is the one who has always with them and has been an integral part of their life. 

Does God really know a mothers Heart?! 
If he did, then he won't show a deaf ear to all our prayers and won't betray our trust we had on him. 

Why GOD?! What wrong did we do to gain such a harsh punishment of losing someone who loved so much? You took away our precious princess.

Anu, I hope you stay happy. You still live with us and we can't digest the very thought that you are not there with us.

Your Mumma, Appa and Anna love you and misses you a lot. Please come back soon  :-( 
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Monday, July 31, 2017

The Little Bundle of Joy!

Raksha Bandhan or Rakhi is one of the most widely celebrated festivals in India that reflects the love shared by a brother and his sister.  I always wanted a sister and the almighty lord heard all my prayers and blessed my family with a little princess who entered this world with a smile. If I had super powers I would have captured those innocent little smile and the twinkling eyes forever and arrested them in my memories. Such is the love that I have for my sister. Being a protective brother, my sister means a lot, in fact, she is my world, my bundle of joy!
There are many things happening around - many good and many bad but life planned to twist our world and make it complicated. I am not here to say the complicated bit but to share the happy part of our amazing life! 


 I was 7 years old and my baby sister was 1.5 years old then! I was fond of chocolates and sweets since my good old young days. Our parents were working and hence our Massi raised us. During the early 1990's we used to get a sweet item whose name I don't remember.  It was basically a tube of flavoured ice rolled in a plastic tube like substance.  Many would call that as Pepsi and many called it by various names. I used to gulp over 5 of them at a given time. Such was my crazy love for sweet items. 
It was one of those days when I was getting ready for school. I spotted my cute innocent sister gulping the plastic tube of flavoured ice with complete alacrity. I held her in my hand and quickly grabbed the ice cubes she was eating and gulped it.  She became furious and she did something that I could not forget for the days to come. She bit me on my arm and left an imprint of her tiny little teeth and dug too deep into my muscles. That pain was excruciating and being a baby no one could scold her as at that tender age no baby would understand right and wrong. I had to quickly rush to a doctor and get an injection and bandage. Twenty-Two years passed and  I still have those scars on my arm that reminds me of that incident.  I miss those days and sometimes wish we time travelled to that period. Life was sweet and beautiful then with no fear of future.  Life was festooned with awesomeness and happiness.  


In this materialistic world where people crave for happiness and love, I got the best gift send by God in the form of a princess.  No material object or gift would measure the amount of love that I hold for my sibling. She is precious than a diamond to be. Not even the most expensive item in this world would ever come close to the love that we both share. Honestly, I have never bought anything precious for my sister. I have gifted her gold items, mobile phones and accessories but more than that God has given me the greatest gift in my life and that's her.  When momma placed her on my lap for the first time, I had the greatest responsibility. It was then I promised myself that I would take care of her and will be there for her during the happy and the worst times. I would be a protective, loving and a caring brother.  I just have one wish to god that he listens to all her wishes and prayers and make all her dreams come true. May he translate all her wishes and dreams into reality and listen to her prayers. I pray to the almighty Lord that he grants her with good health and happiness. 

This year I am miles away from home and I can't express in words how much I miss my family and my adorable sister.  I love you mum, dad and Anu and I miss you three the most. I wish I was around you but I'll be home soon. There isn't a single moment where I have not remembered you! 
Thank you, Lord, for giving me an amazing family. Love you Appa, Amma and Anu! 

Hope to blog soon!


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Wednesday, April 06, 2011

For her...

She is a part of one's life and she serves different roles in an individuals life. She is somebody’s daughter,mother,sister,wife and so on. She has many different roles to play in her life. She easily  fulfills all the roles that she is put into. As a mother she takes care of her kids.As a sister ,she guides her siblings and parents in the household work. As a wife ,she performs daily household chores. As a teacher ,she imbues knowledge into her student. Life is a playground for her and she assumes the role of different actress in this movie of life.

This post ,I dedicate to the females out here. This goes to the moms,sisters,teachers,girlfriends,female colleagues  and every female out here in blog world. A woman has an important role in a men’s life. She nurtures him since the first minute of his life. She cares for him in form of being a good guardian and monitors him.A mother takes 20 years to make a men out of her boy and it takes just 20 minutes for another woman to make a fool out of him. Such is the impact of life in modern era. It takes  long time to make name and gem of a character but it hardly takes a minute to ruin the good work and the  appreciations. Mother is like the nucleus in an atom. She is like the sun which provides us with light and a source of energy. Maa,as we may call her is someone who is our support structure. For ages I have drenched my pillows with tears missing my mother. I wish she sat next to me and gave me some courageous words. Never mess with a your mother  ,she watches you and knows each minute details about you. This post comes as a dedication to  Woman’s day last month. Sister is like your spine. You never know her worth until she moves away to her husband’s place. That is the day when  you emotionally feel her absence. She is naughty at  times and fights with you everyday and night and makes you know that you have someone who constantly remembers you.
Sister makes  you feel that you are not alone in this world and she is always there for you to encourage and motivate you in your hardtimes. Woman have this important role in every men’s life. She should be respected and honored in every aspect of life. Look at her with pride and treat them equally.
Honour every woman you meet in your life. You might not know the worth of each one of them. Never be harsh to your wife. Support her in the good deeds.Teach manners and great values to your daughters. Respect and educate them. Throughout my life I have come across many such females and I have many female rolemodels. I am not attached to my Momma a lot but I can say that she is the best mother one would ever get. I won't say that my sister is the prettiest girl on Earth ,but she is an angel to us. There are little things in life that matters the most.These are the things which  differentiates us. Finally before   winding up ,I dedicate these wonderful lines for my very good friend whom I admire. For some silly cute Idiot friend of mine  who is very kind and yeah she is a woman too.  :)

"Little things you do for me and nobody else makes me feel Good..that's why  I like to sit next to you and share  my mad stories which I know that are not true"

PPS: I'm not promoting Vodafone :P but i do use a Vodafone though

This goes to all females out here.... \m/

Friday, October 09, 2009

167.Sister Management Lessons!!!

I am back ,but not with a bang.Yesterday my Captain Kasabian girl came back to blog world and I am happy to see her .Well we have seen a best friend falling for a best friend,ways to be happy,Importance of love in family and Anger management in my previous few posts.Now its time for some different topic. Ahem!! So what does this title suggests you.Yes! Another management class,but this time not for Angry souls ,but for brothers who mess with their sisters. It applies to Solitary Writer as well.I would like to wish Shweta as its her birthday .So , my dear friends lets sing a birthday song for our little friend Shweta aka Tweety aka I,Me,Myself. So are you still confused and thinking about this post.No more delays!.Lets start with the discussion.Most Indian families treat their son's as their pride and their daughters as their assets.This is true and I am at times proud of my nations culture and tradition.
Who is a sister?. My Nokia N70 dictionary defines a sister as the female person who has the same parent as that of the other.Yes this is 100% correct.A sister is someone who supports,encourages,motivates,annoys her younger and older siblings.She even fights with them and more over she cares and loves them.Trust me it is one of the most pure relationship of a brother and a sister.India is the only country which follows the culture of Rakhshabandhan.The name itself is composed of two terms.'Raksha' means protection and 'Bandhan' means relationship.Sisters tie a holy sacred thread on their brothers wrist indicating that their brother would take care of them and protect them throughout their life. This is the magic of sibling relationship.I somehow feel strange about the existence of Sibling rivalries in certain family .For instance me and my sister do fight unlike other siblings but we are amongst best friends.That can't be considered as fights .I will write few lessons for you .It is the sister management lessons.Lets start with the lessons.

Lesson 1 : Always Respect your sister.

Whether it may be your elder sister or your younger sister ,a sister is a woman.One should always respect her not just she is your sister but she is a girl/woman.A person who cannot respect his sister can never respect any other woman in this world.

Lesson 2:Sibling Rivalries & tiffs

Since childhood we are used to fighting with our closed ones.At times we end up hurting each other and irritating them .This is mostly observed in a brother sister relationship.We have quarrelled and fought over petty issues.Sometimes it is fun ,but sometimes it is not.Sometimes we fight and sometimes we protect and support.This is nothing but some memorable part of growing up.I remember my sister pushing me into a gutter when she was 7. There are certain slang's and abusive words related to sisters.Make sure and take care that we should avoid such harmful words.Some times a brother should not raise his hand on her.We are not here to show our strenght on our sister.This will exhibit our weaker side.

Lesson 3:Possession.

To be honest all brothers are possessive by nature.They do care for their sisters.Sisters do love the sense of security and protection a brother gives to them.But this should also offer some trust factor.Sometimes this may even lead to unwanted suspicion breaking the beautiful bond.In case of any confusions or doubts make sure you handle it properly and clarify it before you make any allegations or interrogations.

Lesson 4:Manifesting Double Standards

Do not manifest double standards.Some times brothers may have girlfriends or may be any female friends or whatever.They completely adore and respect those women.But if their sisters are into a relationship or associate with guys then it is a sin.*There are exceptions* Why can't a sister get into relationship with some guy? If it is morally a sin or if it is wrong then we should know that the girl whom we brothers love is someones sister . So no point in having such bias.

Lesson 5: Realizing responsibility
A girl see's a fatherly figure in her brother.She seeks guidance,support and help from her brother.If we fail to provide this ,then what kind of brothers are we.Also apart from the fun and other things we should realize our responsibility towards our sister.Do it and see that the amount of love and respect for you doubles.

Lesson 6: Developing trust.

Become each others secret holders and closed confidants.Why can't brothers and sisters be best of friends? The 'why' factor comes because of your childhood habit of blackmailing and letting out secrets.Develop a bond such that there is transparency and where you can share all things with your siblings.Sisters are sometimes trustworthy and can keep secrets.Although there are some exceptions.

Lesson 7:Communicating the right way.

You may be out the entire day.You have time to sit online and chat for hours with others.Can't you spare 15 minutes a day for your sister.?Sit down and ask her if she is OK. Help her in her assignment work.Teach her things ,clear her study related doubts and discuss her future.Ask her if she has any problems and how can it be solved.
Spend time with her by sharing your life experiences.Good communication at the right time can do wonders.

Lesson 8:Her importance
I know a sister is very important to any brother in this world.Why can't you show it? She won't sit on your head.Tell her how special she is to you and your family.Convey it to her once in while and seek her opinion in daily day to day activities.It may be selecting a shirt,giving advises etc.Involve her in your life in areas where it is not about your privacy.Stop giving her a girlie tag by asking her not to interfere in your work.

Lesson 9:Your role.

Its easy to dominate ,its easier to be bossy and exercise your authority as an elder brother.Is it difficult to get down to your sisters level? Can't you be her friend and understand her.If you can comfort your girlfriend then why not to your sister.They why don't you do it.Is it just because she is your family member.Don't take her for granted.Respect her opinions and value her.

Lesson 10: Realize her Worth.

Imagine a day without your sister and you would start complaining.May be that 1 or 2 days you would enjoy the so called peace but I bet after that you would miss her chatters,fights, and her company.It is because the relationship between a brother and a sister is special and exceptionally beautiful.
Believe me ,the day your sister gets married the brother is the one who cries the most.So if you love her that much then show it in your mannerism.If we talk of management then it depends on how you handle your sister on the right way. Handle her with care and love.

I hope this post was informative and after reading this you realize the worth and importance of your sister.I would like to thank my best friend for her support and her inputs.I will be back with some interesting topics.