Sunday, August 14, 2011

From the Diary of a 16 yr old!

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 23; the twenty-third edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for this month is FREE.

 Dear God,

I can't comprehend the grief and troubles that I'm undergoing.I'm turning bland at my own sufferings.They say God loves children and he never punishes them.I'm just 16 and life has taken a toll on me.I'm feeling horrendous and helpless.Everyday I look at the mirror ,I see my alter ego who mocks me. She says me that I'm a loser who was born to suffer .I look at myself,paralyzed hands and immobile limbs make me prone to wheelchair.I hear a babel of voices behind me everyday I go to school. It hurts when people mock me and make fun of me.
Everytime I see other teens of my age excelling in life ,a tear rolls down my cheek. I'm not complaining nor I'm whimping around.I tell you life was not harsh but I'm taken aback at times when it hurts me.

The doctors are perplexed for they do not know what haunts me.They have no inkling of what I'm suffering from.Pomple Disease is what they  say which ruined my life. I see myself as a  once whimsical young kid put  to test.I hate it when I see a large ensemble of people bewailing at my sorrowful condition.I'm no alien but I'm not special too.My hope for my existence has started to fizzle.I'm feeling flummoxed,feeble and fatigued at this moment.My Cervix hurts.What perturbs me is that what will happen to me in mere future. My future is an enigma. Could there be any cure for me?.The pain is excrutiating day by day.My doctors have raised their hands. I've lost hopes.I'm jinxed.I'm turning waif.Almighty,will you free me from all these pains?. Will you efface all my sorrows and show signs of hopes for me. I remember writing a poem which I'm sharing it with you.

"I jostled against the tide of time,
nothing is left in the journey of life.

things were thought differently,
never meant to go in such hurry.

I bleed to death with the appalling pain,
fighting to the last for what i have not gain.

Is this what is stored in my destiny,
half way through my life's journey.

expected so many avenues on the way,
but ended up like a seamless castaway"

I'm still waiting for the day when you will educe a smile on my face.I'm hopeful that day would be soon.Almighty,never betray me for you are my only hope.I'm no Judas who betrayed you but still you bestowed your love upon him.I don't know how my Kith and Kin will react upon my horrific state.I wish you pay heed to all my ramblings.I imagine myself as the small shards of glasses.The diseases has swallowed my thirst for excellence in life.Melancholy haunts me everynight I close my eyes to sleep. I sleep everyday with mild hope of waking up the next day.You are the Fuhrer of all Living being. You are the mighty Messiah in this Universe.I promise I'd be a good child and If I'd haver then you can banish me.I have no Qualms as of  now for I laid my burden and sorrows upon you.Dear God, I love you so much much...
I hope you will free me  from all these pains and give me my share of happiness.. Love you God..Muaaaahhhhhhh..Yes I will be a good person and I promise I will never hurt Mom and Pop and little sister Bree... Lots of Love and Kisses.Hugs.Bye God

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Thursday, November 12, 2009

171. Loved & Lost - 2 (end part)

This is a real Story!!!

I curiously clicked on the mail to see what was written.
"Isha Gill wants to be your friend on FaceBook," the mail read.Without any delay I logged on to my facebook account and accepted her friend request.We exchanged our numbers and we met at the same pub where we used to party few years ago
"Hi Ronnie," she greeted me.
Isha was still the same beautiful girl with those seraphic smile. She was smart and she seemed to have matured.The way she spoke and behaved was somewhat unusual and strange.
"Hey Isha! after a long time girl," I replied.
"Where is Aneesh?," I anxiously asked her.
"Hmm! we broke up dude," she said with a sad face.
"What?When it happened?" I was perplexed.
"It happened the same daywhen you guys fought.You must be knowing that I took your side," She said with a straight face.

"Yes,I do remember," I said.
"He somewhat felt bad and spoke malicious words about both of us," she cried.
"He linked both of us and this was why we broke up," She said.

"Its 2 years now since I last met him," she added.
"Oh! I'm really sorry," I said.
"You don't need to be," she said.
"May be he didn't deserve me," she winked.

We spoke for hours and I'd my friend back.I wished to hold her tight and never let her go away from me.She was doing her Engineering from a famous Engineering College in Mumbai.We started hanging out together.We used to go for movies just like normal couples. We used to roam across Bandstand and Marine Drive.We would go everywhere.Later on she introduced me to her parents.Two years passed and we become best friends.It was only then I realized that it was the time for me to confess my love for her.

"Isha," I said.
"I think I am in love with you," my voice started trembling.
We remained silent for a while.
"Will you give me some time to think," she paused.
After that we never met frequently. The last time I met her was at the Mumbai Airport.She was leaving for US to pursue her MS from the Univ of Illianois.Months passed and again I started missing her.I used to call her most of the time.Few weeks hence I tried calling her.
But she refused to pick up the phone. I constantly tried dialling her number.
"Hey Isha babe..," I greeted her.
"I'm still waiting for your reply," I added.
"Ronnie, I'm busy at the moment ,will call you later," she said and cut the phone.
I failed to understand the reason why she was trying to ignore me.Later on when I logged onto my facebook ,I got the biggest shock of my life.

"Isha Gill is in a relationship with Sandeep Arvindan," her facebook status read.

I could see photos of Isha kissing a guy.I was shattered and broken as soon as I saw those photos.I felt dejected and depressed. I soon realized that she had ruined my life.I didn't want to see her again in my life and at the same time my phone rang.
"Isha sweetheart calling..."My cellphone rang.
I switched off my phone and left the place. I took french leave from my office and left for Amritsar.I left Mumbai once and forever.

Monday, November 09, 2009

169. Loved & Lost - 1

This is a real Story!!

Somethings in life often teaches you a great lesson.My Life has been a wonderful teacher for me.It has disappointed me at times.Most of these disappointments has often lead to an awkard predicament. I envy those people who are in love. I'm jealous of them.Should I tell you the story of my nascent love. After loving someone for three years I realized that it wasn't love.It was infatuation,an illusion or rather a one sided stupidity.My futile love has debilitated me.
The name 'Isha' reminds me of my junior college days.She was my best friends' girlfriend.We were a gang of spoiled brats who aimed at nothing.Our life was goal less as we were deeply inspired by parties and western culture.During one of those wild night parties,I met this gorgeous young lady of 17 who was introduced to me as "Isha Gill" who was my best friend Aneesh's girlfriend.

"Ronnie meet Isha," Aneesh said.
"Hey young lady looking gorgeous ehh!," I said to her.
"By the way this is Ronnie Matharu," I added.
"Hello Ronnie,pleased to meet you," she said to me.
"Dude, don't hit on her or ogle at her.She is mine," Aneesh winked at me.
"I won't," I smiled back.

It was the night we met for the first time.Since then we always used to be together.We used to roam around together and party together.'ENIGMA' used to be our clubbing headquarter.Saturday night always used to be fun during those teen days.Those were the days when I saw my best friend kissing his girlfriend voraciously.Sometimes he used to behave as if she was the only beautiful girl left on earth.

Days passed and I got to know more about Isha.Now we became good friends.It was our 12th Std exams and after that we seldom used to meet.It wasn't a graceful farewell as we quit our junior college.I had a small tiff with my best friend.Since then he stopped talking to me. I'd to leave for my home after my 12th.Momma was worried for me and she wanted to meet me.But if I'd to leave Mumbai then I would've to leave Isha forever.I failed to recognize that I started liking my best friends girlfriend.I convinced Momma that I won't be going back to Amritsar. Sooner I got admitted to a 'not so' famous Engineering college in Mumbai.By then I'd lost my cell phone and hence I lost everything including Isha's contact details.I started missing her badly.I used to go to 'ENIGMA' and search for the pretty girl.But everytime disappointment awaited me.I could not find her anywhere.I didn't knew if my feelings for her could be justified.

I started loving her may be it was just an infatuation.My love for her was ineffable.Since school days I've been known as a womanizer and a flirt,but now I could feel a drastic change in my behavior and attitude.The last time I saw Isha was the day when I fought with Aneesh.She tried her best to stop us from fighting but she was helpless.Months passed and even years ,but I could not find her.I didn't want to meet Aneesh once again in my life.So I couldn't knock him for help as he loved Isha.One day as I was checking my email I got a new email message.I curiously clicked on the mail to see what was written.